This Feeling I Can't Change
by 2kool4skool
Summary: This is my take on the previews and Spoliers for the finale. Let me know if rating should be higher.
1. I Don't Remember

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: I know you're all going to kill me for this but I couldn't help myself. I know I have three stories waiting to be updated and I'm working on them, but this story had limited time to be written. Anyway enjoy, it's my take on the previews and spoilers for the finale. I also wanted to give a quick thanks to WIWJ for proofreading it and offering suggestions.**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 1 – I Don't Remember

Jordan stood there staring at the phone. JD had just called her and apologized for their previous conversation. She hadn't even been able to stop herself from inviting him to Lily's wedding. She was shocked when he agreed to come. He said he'd fly in the day before, maybe they could catch up before the engagement party.

After she hung up, she was struck with the realization of what she'd just done. She'd let go of Woody. After learning of his affair with Lu, she had become numb. All romantic thoughts of him, of them together, had been pushed away. She put on a mask and refused to let her emotions penetrate the wall in which she hid behind. She hadn't even had time to ponder what had become of her and Woody's relationship. She had just let it become dust in the wind.

That was until JD told her he was coming to see her. Calling him was one thing, but seeing him and inviting him back into her life were another. She knew this time, things had to be different, that once he was back Woody could no longer be any part of her future in any romantic sense. These thoughts plagued her as she stared at the phone on her counter.

She remembered back to her dance with Woody only to have it end with one pull of a trigger, courtesy of Wayne Riggs. She remembered the kisses her and Woody had shared and the near kisses that probably would have saved their relationship, if she had only let him in. She remembered their dances and the laughter shared between them, but mostly she remembered the safety she'd found in him. He was her anchor, her rock, until Riggs shattered his world. Which in turn led him to shatter her heart.

She thought of her relationship with Pollack. No it hadn't been perfect, but it had been real. She had learned what a mature relationship could be like. Then she had screwed it up. She had slept with Woody, the man she thought she truly loved. The man she thought had truly loved her. Even when Pollack was willing to look past her indiscretion, she hadn't been able to sort out her feelings for Woody. She thought of Pollack's parting words, "I think you know what you want." She thought she did. Then Woody had refused to be her rebound, which she had understood and accepted. She had backed off, giving her time and even Woody time to come to terms with the direction of their relationship. Next thing she knew, she was walking into Woody's office, only to find him making out with Lu Simmons. Her entire body had gone numb. She walked away and pushed her emotions aside. Then she spoke to Pollack and he agreed to return. She realized now, her and Woody could never be.

XXXXX

Jordan arrived at the airport early and purchased a magazine to read while she waited. She was engrossed in an article when she heard the familiar Australian accent. "Well, well, the lovely Dr. Cavanaugh has actually come to pick me up?"

She jumped up and threw her arms around his solid body. Maybe he could be her rock? That thought led to a feeling of despair in the pit of her stomach. She was going to let go of Woody.

"How was your flight?" Jordan asked nervously, still digesting her realizations.

"Why you haven't changed your mind, have you Cavanaugh?" he asked, his eyes shifting nervously.

"No, no. Not at all."

He smiled and pressed his lips to hers. Her stomach fluttered, but not romantically, more from fear of uncertainty. She pushed her feelings aside and smiled. "Well we have exactly two hours before we have to get ready."

"Well, how about coffee? You can update me on your life since I left Boston."

She smiled, if only he knew.

XXXXX

They chose a quaint, coffee shop not too far from Logan airport. They sat down nervously, suddenly allowing the awkwardness of their situation to sink in. "So tell me Cavanaugh, what happened to Farm Boy?" he asked, spitting out Jordan's old pet name for Woody.

"Some things in life just aren't meant to be," she said evasively. He cocked his head to the side and waited for her to continue. "Let's just say, it turns out I'm not the one that he wants."

"Is he the one you want?"

"I thought he was. I've never been very good at knowing what I want."

He smiled. "What is it you think you want?"

"To be loved. To have someone be able to look past my issues and love me anyway. To love someone in return. To feel safe and secure and I think you're the person who can provide that."

Pollack leaned back and absorbed her words. "So I'm your rebound from Woody's rejection?" he asked coldly. "Just like before."

"No," she said her eyes flitting to his face, allowing him to see the depth of her sorrow. "I realized Woody isn't the one I want."

"Jordan I don't want to play this time. If I'm who you want then make me believe you and Farm Boy are done for good."

"What screwing his shrink isn't enough proof for you?" she shouted indignantly, cursing the tears that sprung to her eyes.

Pollack's face fell as he digested what she'd said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It isn't anything worse than what I did to you. I guess I deserved to feel your pain."

He frowned. "It's not about that. I'm sorry he wasn't the man you thought he was. I'm sorry he couldn't give you what you deserve."

"And what is it I deserve?" she asked, a smile creeping across her face.

"A happy ending."

XXXXX

Hours passed and Jordan had told him the story of Kayla, the story of Lu, the story of Garret, the story of Lily and all other stories of people he'd met before he left. He was overwhelmed with the information of everything she'd faced since he'd left.

They were back at her place, getting ready, when he'd asked her the question. "Do you love me?"

The words had felt like a physical blow to the head, leaving her disoriented and confused. "What?" she asked when she regained her composure.

"Do you love me?"

"I haven't seen you for months. We haven't talked in months. Let's give us some time."

"I don't want to be strung along again Cavanaugh. Before we broke up I told you I loved you and you never said it back. Then you had your rendezvous with Farm Boy and everything fell to pieces. I just want to know that our relationship has a chance."

"Can we talk about this later? Lily's party starts in ten minutes and I'm in the wedding party."

"Yes our talk can take a rain check."

XXXXX

Jeffrey's mother was throwing a large party at her Beacon Hill Estate. The yard was littered with guests, mostly people Lily had never met, but at least her friends were there. The party started at seven and went until ten. Then Lily had invited her closest friends back to the old Pogue for the rest of the evening. A way for her to ease her worries about her upcoming big day.

Jordan and Pollack mingled with many guests. JD had gotten into a large debate with one of the guests about politics and Jordan was thankful that Lily had dragged her away.

"So Jordan you and Pollack have rekindled the flame?" she asked curiously.

"We're just seeing how things play out."

Nigel was the only person privy to the details of the Lucy Carver Inn. Jordan hadn't been able to tell anyone else and since Woody had moved on, she hadn't wanted to.

"So that's the guest you're bringing?"

"Yeah, that's the mystery date," Jordan laughed at how odd it all sounded.

XXXXX

The party turned out to be a bit of a disaster. Jeffrey's mother had made a speech, regarding her son's dating life. Her exact words were, "My Jeffrey was always a little shy. That made dating a little hard for him. In fact he hasn't had much of a dating life at all. However, he did the best he could with the life he's lived and he's picked a wife accordingly. I only hope she can provide my Jeffrey with the happiness he deserves. Welcome to the family Lily."

Everyone had just stared at Lily, waiting for her to react. She gave everyone a nervous smile and thanked Elaine for her toast.

At least the after party was going to turn out to be a success. Jordan and JD were discussing weather in D.C. with Nigel, when the bell over the door jangled, alerting everyone another guest had arrived. To Jordan's horror, Woody and Lu walked through the door. "Woody, thank you so much for coming," Lily squealed, as she raced over and hugged him and then hugged Lu.

Jordan watched JD's expression turn to a grimace. Woody and JD had not ended things very pleasantly before he'd left Boston. He wasn't to keen to spend time with him now.

Woody and Lu made their way over to the designated tables where the morgue employees, some of Boston PD and a few of Jeffrey's friends from the DA's office were sitting.

XXXXX

Jordan spent most of the night avoiding Woody. JD couldn't tell if that was her way of proving to him, that she was over Woody, because it sure didn't seem like it.

A song started playing on the jukebox, a very drunk Lily had requested it. It was "Free Bird," by Lynyrd Skynyrd. JD watched Jordan's eyes light up momentarily before dropping and becoming distant. She scanned the room and her eyes fell upon Woody who seemed to have a similar reaction to the song. JD watched their eyes meet and for that second could still feel the passion radiating from the two. How could they possibly be over? He'd wondered so many times but now he couldn't possibly believe it as the truth.

Woody came over to them and kneeled down in front of Jordan. JD felt an urge to hit him as jealousy surged through his body. "Dance with me Jordan?" Woody asked extending his hand.

"I can't," she whispered. JD could hear the quiver in her voice.

"Please," he pleaded. His was voice soft and sad.

"We can't do this Woody," she said gently.

"Please Jordan, one dance."

Jordan had been reluctant. She turned to Pollack and met his gaze. It was unreadable. She could hear her head screaming no, but her heart overruled screaming yes. She took Woody's outstretched hand and allowed him to pull her close to him as they reached the dance floor. His familiar scent washed over her and her mind raced back through her memories of them dancing to this very song. She was overwhelmed with emotion and he placed his arms around her back and pulled her against him, giving her the same sensation of safety. Tears poured down her cheeks. He could feel the warm droplets as they dripped onto his neck. "I'm so sorry Jordan," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I can't be the man you want me to be."

She had no idea what he was talking about, but she realized at this very moment she didn't care. "Don't talk, just hold me," she pleaded.

JD and Lu sat at the table, with their jaws practically hitting the floor. JD's face had contorted into an expression of hurt, whereas Lu's expression was one of sheer anger and disbelief. "All right that's enough," JD muttered, standing up and walking towards Jordan and Woody.

"Oh no you don't," Garret and Nigel said, blocking his path.

"Get out of my way," he ordered coldly.

"I don't think so mate," Nigel retorted.

"I didn't come here to watch her dance with Detective Hee Haw Hoyt."

"Well then why did you come here?" Garret asked tersely.

"She invited me here. I didn't contact her. I am not going through this bullshit again."

"Then why don't you just leave?" Nigel asked.

The standoff between the three men had become so intense that none of them noticed the song had ended and Jordan and Woody were coming back to the table. "Going some where Pollack?" Woody asked.

"Yeah to beat the shit out of you," Pollack yelled, attracting attention from everyone attending the party.

"What because of one harmless dance?"

"That didn't look very harmless to me," Pollack shouted indignantly.

"Pollack sit down," Jordan ordered, feeling self-conscious with everyone watching.

"Why Jordan so when I turn my back, you can sleep with him again?"

Lily's glass fell from her hand and shattered on the floor. Everyone was paying close attention now. Jordan didn't know whether to cry or be angry. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the room where no one could watch their argument.

He followed her out to the parking lot. "What was that?" she screamed.

"I thought you were over him?"

"I didn't say we weren't friends. I can't just cut Woody from my life."

"Oh so it's okay to press your body up against his on the dance floor and let him hold you like that, as long as you are 'over him,'" he yelled, making the quotation signs with his hands.

"I am over him. Woody and I don't have a future."

"I can't be with someone who can't let go of the love from their past."

"I did let it go."

"Did you? Really because what I witnessed in their wasn't letting go?"

"What do you want me to say Pollack?"

"There's nothing you can say Jordan. There's nothing to say. You still love Woody."

"Well I'm trying to move on."

"Well you're not trying hard enough. You still can't let go. You still keep on hoping that everything will just be okay."

His words stung. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Jordan you can't be friends with him. You can't be friends with someone you have a past like that with."

"What, so I should cut Woody from life?"

"Jordan you'll never be over him if you don't."

"Why would I call you then?"

"To make yourself think that you are. I don't want to be that guy Cavanaugh. You need to get over Woody before you can ever have anything with me."

"Pollack, I am trying. Please just give me a chance?"

"I will someday, when I know that you and Woody are finally over."

She ran up to him and kissed him. He tried to push her away but found he couldn't. "Please Cavanaugh, it will be best for both of us," he said as she pulled back. He wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm not the guy you want. There's one thing I still firmly believe, there's no cure for malaria."

"People learn to live with it. There are plenty of people who have gotten over relationships like mine and Woody's, why is ours different?"

"Because Cavanaugh, you aren't over him yet."

"Well it's going to be a lot easier with someone by my side."

He stared at her, searching her eyes for an answer. "You can't love me like you do him."

"Well what am I supposed to do about it?"

"Maybe for once you and him could actually talk about it? You know why your relationship has never worked? You don't talk. You have so much passion for one another that you think that everything else will just fall into place. It doesn't, relationships take communication and understanding. I think you and Hoyt could probably be very happy together but you're both too pig headed and stubborn to do anything about it."

Jordan stood there, watching Pollack walk away. Tears fell down her cheeks. She turned back to the bar, but realized she couldn't face everyone. She decided to find somewhere else to get drunk.

She climbed in her car and drove downtown to a smaller, dingier bar. She ignored the smell of sweat that radiated from the patrons. She sat down at the bar and waited for the bartender to come over. "What can I get for you?"

"Vodka," she said. "Lot's of vodka."

The bartender smiled. "Rough day?"

"You have no idea," she said, with a smile, as he slid her drink over.

XXXXX

After spending several hours in the bar, telling the bartender her story, she finally decided to go home. Well the bartender did suggest it when she mentioned that she was in a wedding party the next morning. He also suggested she take a cab, which she agreed as soon as he offered to call one. She was numb and finally felt she could drift off to sleep without thinking of the disaster her life had become.

When she got home, she unlocked her door, shut it and went to bed.

XXXXX

"Jordan are you in there? Jordan open the door, I'm getting married soon," Lily shouted as she pounded on Jordan's big red door. "All right, I'll open it myself. I have a key."

Lily slid the silver key into the lock and turned it until it clicked. She opened the door and looked around the chaotic mess that was Jordan's apartment. As she surveyed the room, she realized something was very wrong. Lamps were knocked over and random items were strewn across the room. "Jordan," she called as she walked towards Jordan's bedroom.

She pushed open the door and gasped as she saw Jordan standing beside JD's dead body with a gun held tightly in her hands. JD's blood was all over Jordan's close and Jordan's bloody fingerprints were everywhere. "Jordan," Lily said nervously.

Jordan didn't respond and Lily moved closer. She reached out and grabbed Jordan's chin with her hand. Jordan looked up at her, tears were streaming down her face and her hands shook with fear. "Jordan what happened?"

"I…I…I d…don't remember," Jordan admitted, her voice sounding like that of a traumatized ten-year-old child.


	2. Accident, Self Defense or Murder

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I had to rewrite this chapter due to the fact that my chapter didn't even closely resemble the finale. I'm not good with AU. I like to keep it with the show for as long as possible. Some things had to change, obviously. Since Lily found Jordan at Jordan's apartment in my story it has to stay that way. Also Woody and Jordan danced the night before and that was the reason for the fight. Anyway a few things have to change from the finale but I tried to make it as close as possible. Please bare with me, I do know where I'm going with this. **

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 2 – Accident, Self Defense or Murder

Lily couldn't take her eyes from Jordan's. She watched the tears fall down Jordan's cheeks and she looked at the blood that had splattered across Jordan's clothes. Without thinking she flipped open her phone and dialed Garret's number.

XXXXX

Garret was standing in the coffee room making fun of Bug and Nigel when his cell phone started to ring. He wasn't in the mood for a body. His head was still spinning from the party last night. "Macy," he said gruffly.

"Garret, its Lily. Pollack is dead."

Garret barely registered what Lily had said. He couldn't believe what she had just said. "Jordan's Pollack?"

"Yes Garret and when I got here, Jordan was holding the gun," Lily whispered without taking her eyes off Jordan.

"I'll be right there," he said as he closed his phone and looked towards Bug. "Bug let's go we've got a body. It seems JD Pollack is dead."

XXXXX

Jordan stared at Pollack's dead body lying on her bed. The bed she'd slept in while Pollack lay inches away dying, while his blood seeped from his wounds onto the blanket beside her. "Did I do this?" she whispered to Lily.

Lily rubbed her hand up Jordan's arm. "Of course not, you couldn't have done it," Lily said nervously, unsure of what to say.

"Police open up," Lu Simmons' shrill voice echoed on the other side of the door.

Lily made her way to the door and pulled it open, revealing several officers along with Detective Simmons. "Did Garret contact you?" Lily asked softly.

"Yes, he said Mr. JD Pollack had been shot dead," Lu said matter of factly.

"Where's Woody?" Lily asked hopefully, realizing Jordan and Lu probably weren't the best of friends.

"My life doesn't revolve around Woody," she said coldly. "I'm here to do my job, not play Jordan's finger puppet."

"I wasn't implying that," Lily said angrily. "Woody's her friend, he's always been there for her."

"No, he's always covered for her."

Lu wandered in and watched Jordan. Jordan was staring into a broken mirror.

XXXXX

Garret drove faster than he'd ever driven before, leaving Bug praying to god he wouldn't die. The buildings and pedestrians beside them were nothing but a blur. Finally he slowed down as they pulled into the parking lot and Garret threw the car into park and ripped the keys from the ignition. "We just do our job, nothing changes," Garret said tersely, probably reminding himself as well.

Garret ran up the steps as fast as he could with Bug on his heels. They reached Jordan's floor in no time and raced down the hall. "Whoa, whoa," the officer guarding the door said when he saw them approach.

"ME's office," Garret said flashing his ID badge.

"Yes sir, Dr. Macy," the officer said moving out of the way.

Garret walked past him and into the room, the first thing he saw was JD lying in a pool of his own blood. Then he saw Jordan, her dress was completely covered in blood. Where the hell was Woody?

He could hear her babbling as he approached. "Don't say anything else Jordan," he said as he watched Lu staring at Jordan with interest. "She's in shock, whatever she says doesn't count," he muttered tersely to Lu.

"Why would I do this? I don't even remember what happened, I need to know."

"CSU will take trace off of her."

"I got it covered."

"Dr. Macy, I think it's better for CSU to do it."

"You don't want to go there Detective," he said in his most threatening tone. He could already sense Lu's determination to put Jordan away, especially after last night's display.

"Test for GSR and get her blood alcohol," Lu mumbled in defeat. She'd never admit it, but she found something oddly attractive about Garret.

"Come on," he muttered to Jordan, pulling her towards the bathroom.

"How many drinks did you have?" Garret asked as he took her blood sample.

"Uhh, it was a party. I wasn't counting."

"How did you get that bruise on your arm?"

"Garret, I did this once before 'member. Blacked out something bad. Why would I shoot him?" she asked as tears poured from her eyes.

"We don't know anything yet. Look we're with you Jordan. We'll figure out what happened."

Lu stared at Jordan's expression, waiting for her to crack. She couldn't help but dislike the woman who still held Woody's heart so firmly in her grasp.

XXXXX

Woody stared at the bread in his hand. He could already taste the peanut butter melting in his mouth until Nigel came in. "Woody…"

"Feast your eyes on this my friend."

"Woody…"

"I know what you're thinking, this is a kid's sandwich…"

"No, no, Woody didn't anyone call you?"

Realization dawned on him. They weren't talking about his peanut butter sandwich. He shook his head and for the first time saw the concern in Nigel's eyes. "Nige what is it?"

"JD's dead. He was shot last night. Jordan was holding the gun when Lily found her."

Woody's sandwich plummeted to the floor but it was the last thing on his mind now. He had to get to her. "Where is she?"

"Home…"

"Thanks Nige," Woody shouted running out the door.

XXXXX

"Gun shot residue," Garret mumbled as he held the light against Jordan's hand.

"Oh God, I really did do it," she cried softly, she suddenly felt the urge to be sick.

"Garret," Lily called softly from the doorway, wishing she could take the look of pain out of Jordan's eyes.

"I want to go with him," Jordan cried out, as JD was wheeled away.

"No, you can't."

XXXXX

Woody's head was spinning, Jordan couldn't possibly have done this, not unless Pollack hurt her. It could only be self - defense. He hoped it was Framus' case or Winslow's because nobody else would be very helpful to Jordan.

He turned on his siren as he reached his car and then drove like hell to Pearle Street. He jumped out of his car and raced inside. The officer let him in and he was met with Pollack's body being brought out on a gurney. "Macy what the hell?"

Garret gave him a look, a look that said you should have been here sooner. Woody ignored the look as soon as he saw Jordan. She looked so vulnerable as her eyes met his and he yearned to pull her into his arms and hold her until everything was all right.

"Woody, look I'm sorry, it looks like she shot him," Lu whispered softly. Woody could hear the celebratory tone in her voice

"Why?"

"She doesn't know but you shouldn't be here. You had a relationship with her."

"You have a relationship with me," he muttered with rage.

He found his way to Jordan and Lily was called away. He ached to hold her, to make the pain go away. Instead he found himself afraid to touch her. Afraid to make things worse. She looked into his eyes, hers pleading with his to make it all go away. His throat had started to close up and he felt sick that this time he might not be able to save her.

XXXXX

After Jordan was given permission to change, she came out in her floral robe and moved to the window, where she could look out at the world below her, the world that kept on living while she was interrogated for JD's death. She could sense Woody behind her. She wanted so badly to turn into his arms and let him hold her tighter. She knew it was too late for that.

"You don't remember how many drinks you had?" Lu asked gruffly, Jordan could hear the enjoyment in her voice.

"I've never drank myself into a blackout."

"What about Malden?"

"Hey," Woody shouted at Lu, "Jordan had nothing to do with Malden's death. She was drugged."

"Still it could explain what happened. Most domestic violence involves alcohol." Jordan swore she could hear the smile in Lu's voice. Why the hell had Woody chosen Lu over her?

"I know it's all jumbled in your head right now. Let's start at the top. When did Pollack get back into town?" Woody asked, a flimsy attempt at easing the tension between Jordan and Lu.

"Yesterday. I called him last week. I was wondering how he was doing. I didn't expect him to come back. He called and said he'd come back to see me. To revisit things." The words she spoke felt like a stab wound to his heart, as he considered just how far their relationship could have gone.

XXXXX

"There isn't anything that would make Jordan angry enough to shoot him down in cold blood; Intentionally; maliciously."

"She does have a temper."

"She's not homicidal. It must have been an accident."

"One slug in the headboard, another in the wall. One shot could be accidental, two…"

"This is Jordan we're talking about."

"There was gunshot residue on her hands, her arms, her fingerprints were on the gun."

"Look we don't know what happened," Garret interrupted. "This is Jordan's, run a tox screen," he ordered as he handed Nigel Jordan's blood sample.

"It must have been self – defense," Nigel stated.

"Look, I've never liked this guy but we're saying he tried to kill her?"

"What are our choices? It can only be an accident, self – defense or murder," Bug offered.

XXXXX

"I know this is hard, but we're trying to help you," Woody explained, trying his best to keep the emotion out of his voice. Jordan turned and looked at him, her face was stained with tears and it took him a moment to control himself from pulling her into his arms and never letting her go. "What happened next?"

"We went for coffee."

"Then the party?" Lu asked, finishing Jordan's explanation.

"Then the party," Jordan confirmed, unable to keep the tiredness from her voice.

XXXXX

"Jordan's blood alcohol level was .002," Nigel exclaimed.

"So Jordan wasn't drunk last night, is that good for us or bad for us?" Bug asked.

"It's not going to help us say the second shot was an accident. So what did he do to her?"

XXXXX

"Jordan everyone saw you too fighting at the party last night," Lu said slowly.

"Yes but…"

"No Jordan this is good. You guys fight, he hurts you. You fight back and this goes down as self – defense," Woody said with excitement. He was determined to protect Jordan no matter what that may mean.

XXXXX

"Pollack's blood alcohol was .08," Nigel said gravely.

"So he was more drunk than Jordan?"

"Uhh guys?" Bug called, looking at the position of the bullet, entry and exit wounds. Everyone's face fell.

XXXXX

Woody had allowed Jordan to change into real clothes after taking a shower and then, after she'd insisted, he'd driven her to the precinct. He asked her more questions and she answered him, the whole time wishing she'd never called Pollack back to Boston.

The two of them sat at Woody's desk, while Lu was out and about filing reports. Woody saw Garret enter and directed Jordan's gaze to him.

"What? What is it?" Jordan shouted jumping up from the chair.

"I think I should talk to the detectives."

Jordan grabbed the file rather than attempt to protest. She felt her stomach roll with nausea as she came face to face with the results.

"Jordan," Garret said with concern.

"Oh my God…" she said slowly.

"What happened?" Lu asked with confusion.

"It couldn't have been self – defense," she muttered as Lu took the file from her.

"What is it?" Woody asked.

"He was shot in the back," Garret explained.

"Then it is…" Lu started.

"Murder," Jordan finished.

XXXXX

Jordan was booked and held in a small cell while Woody paced the precinct, telling Lu repeatedly that Jordan couldn't have done it. He waited all morning until her trial and then found himself in the courthouse, praying to god she'd be released.

Jordan was released on the condition she'd stay away from the morgue. He could already picture her going there first.

XXXXX

Jordan was taken back to the precinct and was given her personal effects. "How are you doing?" Woody asked softly. She gave him an incredulous look. "Sorry stupid question. Do you have anyone to stay with?"

"I'm going to get a hotel room."

"I could get a few days off. You could stay with me."

"No, no Woody I'll be fine. I don't think Lu would appreciate that too much."

"Yeah well, you're my friend."

"I'll be fine." Woody patted her arm, wishing he could do so much more.

As Woody walked away, Jordan noticed for the first time a flash drive attached to her keychain, one, that had been attached to Pollack's only the night before.

XXXXX

Nigel was frantically running things through the computer when Jordan entered the room. "I need you to tell me what's on this."

He looked at the small item in her hand. "It's Pollacks. Last night it was on his keychain. Today its on mine."

"Why would he put it on yours."

"I don't know."

"You okay?"

"Aside from the indicment?"

"Sorry its just…"

"Yeah it's okay I know…I'm not here," she said panic stricken as she raced out of the room.

Garret entered, a grim expression was on his face. "Jordan's out on bail."

"Yeah, yeah I heard."

"The judge set a restriction. She shows up in the morgue, her bails revoked. So do her a favour and make sure she doesn't."

"I…I would never."

"Of course you would. You two are as thick as thieves and she's Jordan. She won't be able to sit back and let us do our jobs. It's for her own good Nigel," he said as he walked back to the door.

Jordan peeked her head in the doorway. "Are you crazy?" Nigel shouted.

"I'm gone, as soon as you show me what's on the flash drive."

XXXXX

Lu found Woody flipping frantically through the police reports. "What are you hoping to find?" she asked gently.

"We might have missed something. It happens."

"Okay, then lets go over it again. You want to go back to the hotel?" She asked but he ignored her. "Woody? The evidence says she did it. She believes she did it. You're going to have to find a way to accept it."

"You act like you don't even know her," he said angrily.

"You wanted on this case. This is what it is."

"Then I made a mistake, because I won't help you bring her down," he said before storming away.


	3. Clarence Gordon

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: I'm officially done writing parallel to the episode. I have a new respect for Kaeleigh's Justice with her web site the Crossing Jordan encyclopedia. Just writing from one episode took me at least 6 hours because I had to keep rewinding it. I can finally start writing what I want now. Updates will be much faster for this story. I also wanted to thank WIWJ for her brilliant idea about what I call the tape scene. You'll know what I mean when you read it.**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 3 – Clarence Gordon

Jordan found herself at the bar where she had spent the better part of the previous evening after her conversation with Pollack. The last conversation she remembered having. She thought back to the night before. She thought about seeing Pollack again and all the turmoil it caused her heart. She had wanted to love him, to be with him, but a part of her wasn't ready to let go of Woody. She was afraid she would never be able to, that he would always claim her heart. "Jordan," she heard someone call and turned to see Lily running towards her.

"Don't call off your wedding," was all Jordan could say.

"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?"

"You've finally found the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't let me screw that up for you, please," Jordan begged desperately, the last thing she needed on her mind was the thought that she was responsible for screwing up Lily's future.

"Anything else I can do?"

"Can you remember what I've forgotten?"

"Any chance tox could be wrong? I had a couple of martini's last night. They were strong."

"Jordan," Nigel called as he and Bug walked towards them. "Photographs. Pollack had photographs on his flash drive."

"Of what?" she asked.

"Autopsy files," Bug replied. "Four of them."

"All from our cold case files. All murders," Nigel explained.

"Whose?"

"No one I know. Bug and I didn't work on it. Neither did you."

"How did JD get them?" Lily asked with confusion.

"Did you go in the cold case room yesterday?" Bug asked Jordan.

"No."

"Well your access card was used. Where did you keep it?"

"In my desk," she responded, suddenly remembering when her and JD had stopped at the morgue. She'd had to talk to Garret and he insisted on following her in.

"He stole your card and used it to get into the cold case room. Photographed four old autopsy files. Put them on his flash drive and put his flash drive on your key ring."

"He wanted you to find them," Lily concluded.

"Or he wanted someone else not to find them," Bug offered.

"Some one drugged me so they could frame me," Jordan suddenly realized.

"But the tox screen?" Lily protested.

"There are plenty of drugs we don't screen for."

XXXXX

"Gunshot, arson, death asphyxiation," Lily read from the file in her hands as she entered the room.

"Vehicular homicide," Bug read from his file.

"I've got the computer cross referencing the victims, jobs, addresses, families," Nigel explained.

"Four random murders, different times, different places. I don't get it," Jordan muttered.

"Hey we'll figure it out," Lily said, trying to console Jordan.

"The first time I met him, he's breaking into the morgue trying to get information he shouldn't have. Taking illegal photos. He was using me then. Nothing's changed."

"You don't know that," Bug stated.

"He's right you don't," Lily agreed.

The computer beeped. "Found a connect," Nigel stated excitedly. "Oh never mind."

"What?" Bug asked frantically.

"All the murders happened in Massachusetts." A knock at the door pulled them away from Nigel's computer.

XXXXX

"I'm not done yet," Garret said tersely as Lu entered the autopsy suite. "You know you didn't have to arrest her," he said as he turned to look at her.

"Are you kidding? I feel as bad as you do but this is open and shut."

"Look at these internal injuries, bruising on his lungs."

"And?"

"He had a fight with somebody, a physical fight. Punches thrown about a week ago."

"Are you trying to drudge up somebody else with motive?"

"Reporters make enemies."

"Jordan was in the room. Jordan was covered with his blood. Jordan had the gun in her hand. Dr. Macy, I know this is hard on everybody."

"I'll testify about this and a good defense attorney can run with it," Garret threatened.

"This doesn't come anywhere near reasonable doubt," Lu stated. Their faces were merely inches apart. Lu couldn't deny the attraction she felt for this man, the urge to press her lips against his and melt into him, to taste his kiss. She felt drawn to him. Like a fly to a spider web, she was trapped in his appeal. So she relented, "But I will look into it," she promised, fighting her urge to kiss him.

"Thank you," he said solemnly, worried that he couldn't save Jordan. She patted his shoulder, wishing she could have done so much more, but knowing it was not the time nor the place. She knew she may never get a chance with Garret Macy, no matter how much she wanted him, ached for him, for a man that was mature, a man that could protect her and keep her safe from the evil that surrounded her.

XXXXX

"I've got it," Nigel exclaimed. "No really, all four cases, solid evidence of murder. You all said that, clear cut…"

"What's your point?" Jordan asked impatiently.

"All of the accused were acquitted."

"So?" Lily said.

"Same judge presided over all four cases," Nigel explained.

"Judge Clarence Gordon," Bug read aloud over Nigel's shoulder.

"Yeah, Boston Superior Court judge, recently appointed to federal bench in DC," Nigel read slowly, concern for Jordan entering his tone.

"Where Pollack spent the last 3 months," Jordan admitted aloud. "Some son of a bitch drugged my drink, murdered JD and framed me."

"We need to identify the drug in that drink," Bug told them.

"Okay Bug, you go back to the morgue and start a tox marathon on my blood sample. Nigel you come with me, oh and Lily go get married," Jordan ordered.

XXXXX

Nigel ran the black light over all the glasses from the bar. "Nothing but soap residue."

"What do you expect to find, their washed in 250 degree water. Can I put them away now?" the bartender asked.

"You could rinse them a little better," Nigel commented.

"What are you looking for anyway?" the bartender asked them.

"Did you notice anyone slip anything into my drink?"

"No but I wasn't always watching. I was serving a full bar."

"Too bad the only camera in the place is pointed directly at the cash register," Nigel complained.

"Well that's not the only camera. There are 3 hidden ones."

"Where?"

"One over the serving area, one fisheye up there and one in the hallway to the bathrooms."

"Uh, is there anyway we can get the video to these cameras?"

"Cops took it all."

"He may not be able to hide either drug but we've got to be able to find the bastard who drugged the drink."

"Now Jordan, the police have the video. Do you really think you can talk Lu into letting you have it based on a hunch?"

Jordan gave him a look and he knew she wasn't going to ask Lu, but instead she'd run right to Woody. If there was anyone who would break the law for Jordan, it was Woody Hoyt.

XXXXX

Jordan ran inside the precinct and right to where she expected to find Woody. He was reading a case file when she came in and as soon as he spotted her he ran over and started pulling her out the door. "Jordan what are you doing here?"

"I need the tape from the bar last night."

"I don't have it."

"Well you can get it."

"Why do you want it?"

"My drink was drugged."

"Jordan what are you doing?"

"He was working on a story."

"Reporters do that," Woody said bitterly, he couldn't help but still hate JD Pollack, for getting from Jordan what he had always desired.

"Yeah but a judge," Jordan protested.

"Why would somebody drug your drink because of that?"

"I don't know yet, just work with me here."

"Nothing showed up on your tox screen."

"Somebody slipped something into my drink. I need that video."

"I took myself off the case. I didn't want to help them put you away." Her eyes burned at his admission. She wanted to embrace him, to feel his strong safe arms wrapped around her. She knew she couldn't, that she had to face this alone.

"Get me that tape."

XXXXX

Woody didn't know why he always did these things for Jordan. He had no idea why a few tears and a little bit of pleading, had him breaking the law, the very law he worked to protect. However, he did it anyway. He went into Lu's office and started searching through the case bin, filled with all the evidence until he stumbled upon the DVD that held the video Jordan was so desperate for. He slid it into his jacket pocket.

"What are you doing?" Lu asked from the doorway. He was screwed.

"My…uh…cell phone, thinking maybe that I left it here."

"It's on your belt."

"Oh, so it is."

"Yeah…There's no way around the evidence Woody, depending on what you're doing to it right now."

"You think I'd tamper with this stuff?" he asked innocently. He felt the DVD burning in his pocket, like the beating heart in the Tell Tale Heart.

"I think that you would do anything for her," Lu stated.

Woody felt himself getting angry. "Is that what this is about? Your jealousy? Is that why you're going after her so hard?" He wanted to scream and shake her. This was Jordan's life, her future resting in Lu's hands. Lu was jealous of Jordan and he feared Lu would use that to bring Jordan down.

"I have bent over backwards to be fair to her. Anybody else, I would have arrested them on the spot. I never even handcuffed her. What are you doing in my office?"

"Here's your inventory list. Go ahead check everything. Knock yourself out and when you're done you can search me," Woody retored bitterly. "We done here?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, are we done?" Woody spat, his words venomous. He then walked past her and slammed the door, leaving Lu to wallow in her own self - pity. She had felt safe with Woody. He kept her safe from her fears and now she was alone, all thanks to Jordan Cavanaugh,

XXXXX

Jordan knew what she'd asked Woody to do was wrong but she had to know what had happened. Besides Lu was his girlfriend now, what was the worst that could happen? She knew he wasn't going to get into trouble or at least that's what she kept telling herself as she paced the hallway in his apartment building. He'd told her to meet him there, where no one would witness the exchange. She suddenly felt sick, what if Lu found out and turned him in? She just wanted this all to be over. She just wished everything could go back to normal or at least to what it was like when she was still in control of her own life.

A hand on her shoulder pulled her back to reality and she stifled a scream as she turned to look into Woody's blue eyes, concern, for her, evident in them.

"Jordan I'm worried about you," he said as he led her to his apartment. She hadn't been to his apartment in over a year and that shook her. Woody was no longer her lifeline, just a concerned friend. She shook her head to keep from crying.

"I'm fine Woody, I'll be even better when I can put this ordeal behind me."

He held her gaze and she shifted uncomfortably. "Jordan if you're caught with this, you're going to jail. Do you understand that?"

"Woody I get it, I'm aware of the consequences of tampering with evidence. If it helps I've stolen evidence before," she said jokingly.

Woody scowled and he shook his head. "This isn't funny Jordan. You're facing murder charges, a case where all the evidence points to you. You're out on bail because you have friends in the DA's office and you're holding evidence that pertains to your case. It isn't funny, it isn't even slightly humourous. It's terrifying and just because myself and everyone at the morgue doesn't believe you did it, doesn't mean the jury is going to have difficulty convicting you."

"Woody," she said grabbing his arm. "I know okay? I know you're worried. I know how serious this is and I'll be careful. I'll bring it back tonight as soon as the morgue is done with it."

"I really wish you weren't going over there. Lu's out to get you, especially now that we broke up."

"YOU WHAT?" Jordan screamed. "YOU BROKE UP WITH HER AFTER STEALING EVIDENCE?"

"I couldn't do it anymore Jo. I want nothing to do with the woman that brings you down." Jordan was humiliated as her eyes filled with tears. He brushed them away with his thumb. "I'm behind you every step of the way. If you need me call me on this."

"What is it?"

"My new cell phone, registered in Calvin's name."

She threw her arms around him. He and Nigel were the only people in the world that could help her now. Woody wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against him. "Be safe Jordan. Please be safe."

XXXXX

"Just how much trouble is Woody going to be in if we get caught with this video?" Nigel asked with concern.

"What about us?" Bug stated.

"There right there, that's me," Jordan said as she pointed at the screen. The three of them watched in silence. "The bartender did it. He's watching me drink," she exclaimed, even though Bug nor Nigel saw the bartender slip anything into her drink.

"Are you out of your mind?" Garret growled when he found Jordan.

"Garret we're onto something here. I did not shoot him," Jordan protested.

"Where did you get that?" he asked viciously, pointing at the video.

"The bar," Nigel lied.

"Think about changing your answer to something resembling the truth and you," he said as he turned to Jordan, "get the hell out of here."

"Garret please," Jordan pleaded.

"Get out," Garret retorted.

Jordan felt on the verge of tears. What had happened to her bestest girlfriend? This was her only chance at beating her charges and now she was screwed. Then she realized she knew the bartender's name and she raced to a nearby computer to look up his address from the DMV.

"You can't tell on her Dr. Macy, they'll revoke her bail," Nigel pleaded.

"Now you think of that?"

"You want to know what we found out?"

"I'm not surprised at Nigel but what the hell are you thinking…" Garret shouted at Bug.

"What are you going to do fire us?" Nigel yelled. "What difference does it make, we found the damn thing."

"Detective Simmons took all the security tape from the bar. She sure as hell didn't give to you what she didn't give to Jordan," Garret started, trying to talk through Nigel's interruptions. "I'm this close to firing…"

"Will you listen to me?" Nigel yelled.

XXXXX

Jordan typed the bartender's name frantically into the computer. This was her only chance at freedom. The only way her life could go back to normal. The only way JD's killer would receive the justice he deserved.

XXXXX

"A judge that presided over a bunch of acquittals. What's that got to do with anything?" Garret asked, after finally listening to Nigel and Bug's explanation.

"I knew it was here," Lu exclaimed, ripping the DVD from Garret's hand. "Where did you get it?"

"I stole it," Nigel lied.

"I know who stole it," she spat. "I want to know how it got to you. You'll tell me or you'll tell the judge," she threatened.

"Thanks guys," Garret said dismissing Bug and Nigel. "Calm down. I'll tell you what you want to know. Just don't come in here and threaten my people, Detective."

XXXXX

Jordan peeked into the room where Garret had told her to leave. The first thing she saw was Lu's blonde hair. Her heart started to beat faster and she backed away, running as fast as she could to the freight elevator. She didn't want to go to jail and she was terrified Woody was about to lose his job. She opened the door and stopped instantly as she found JD's body, uncovered, the Y incision visible on his chest. She felt tears rush to her eyes and her mind flashed back to her relationship with him. No he wasn't Woody, but he had treated her well. He had made her feel loved for the first time in years. He had held her and kissed her and warmed her bed. He may have not been the man she had always wanted, but he had been very important in her life. He was the reason she grew up and for that she'd forever be, eternally grateful.

XXXXX

"Was she here?" Lu asked angrily.

"That would be a violation of her bail terms," Garret replied evasively.

"So you're telling me that when I run prints on this, Jordan's prints won't be on it?"

"We're all after the same thing, the truth."

Lu glared at him. It was always Jordan that everyone protected. They were all willing to let a killer run free. Lu could not comprehend how Jordan had all these people wrapped around her little finger. Lu found herself hating Jordan for having everything she had always wanted. Jordan would forever hold Woody's heart. Jordan would forever be like a daughter to Garret. Jordan had tons of friends who would break the law to keep her safe. Lu had nothing, no friends, no lovers, just herself and an occasional boyfriend who usually ended up treating her like shit.

Lu turned back to Garret at the door. "The bruising on Pollack's lungs, he was in a car accident last week in DC. No one beat him up." She then marched out of the room and started her mad hunt for Jordan. She ran down the hallway, looking into every door she passed. She came upon the final doors, the ones leading to the freight elevator. She opened it and found Pollack's body lying on a slab. Her heart stopped momentarily. There was something about seeing the deceased body of someone you knew. It was different. It was terrifying. She backed away and started on her way back to the precinct.

XXXXX

"I'm worried about Jordan. I don't want to be here," Nigel complained, as he and Garret stood waiting for Lily's wedding to commence.

"Well you know, suck it up, it's for Lily. You're lucky you're not grovelling in front of a judge right now," Garret responded fiercely.

"Lu's got a warrant for Jordan for violating her bail restrictions," Woody told the two men as he approached.

"We should go find her," Nigel said, worriedly.

"I went to her apartment she wasn't there. I left half a dozen messages for her. Where's Bug?" Woody said with concern.

"He decided not to come," Garret said morosely.

They all looked up as Lily entered the room, wearing her little green skirt suit. Woody slugged Nigel in the stomach to get his attention. They watched her walk towards Jeffery, a look of sadness painted across her face. They couldn't hear what she said but they knew today was not the day that Lily was to be married.

XXXXX

Jordan hid herself beside the stairs and waited for Lance to leave his home. Finally he did and walked right past her. "You killed him," she shouted, as she followed after him.

"Who?"

"JD. You drugged my drink."

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah you did. Who killed him?"

"Some guy paid me. All I did was slip the drug in your drink and called you a cab. I don't know JD."

"Clarence Gordon ring a bell?"

"No."

"DC?" Suddenly gunshots rang through the silence and Jordan ran, as fast as she could, turning back only to see Lance Cook collapse.

XXXXX

"Found ID in his wallet," Woody told Garret.

"He's the bartender," Garret cautioned as soon as he saw the deceased.

"The one that Jordan thinks drugged her?"

"Yeah that's the guy. Two gunshot wounds to the chest, from the amount of blood I'd say a severed aorta," Garret explained.

"No witnesses," Woody grumbled, suddenly feeling extremely nauseous.

"Plenty of prints though," Nigel reported.

"Run them against Jordan's," Lu ordered as she came towards them.

"Not your case Detective," Woody said coldly. What the hell was he thinking getting into a relationship with this woman, this jealous, vengeful woman?

"The victim is the bartender that served Jordan," Lu responded with the same edge to her voice.

"I think it proves Jordan's right. Pollack wasn't murdered over some lover's quarrel. There's something bigger going on here."

"Where is she? She's now a fugitive, do you want to be an accessory?" Lu threatened.

"I have no idea where she is," he retorted, suddenly feeling fiercely protective of Jordan. He started to wonder if this is how she felt when he went rogue after Riggs.

"Whose prints?" Lu demanded.

"Jordan's," Nigel answered with disappointment.

XXXXX

Jordan stood in the dingy pawn shop and demanded a gun from the owner. He tried to deny that he sold them until he saw the large wad of cash she had in her pocket. He sold it to her for the small sum of $1000. He knew desperation when he saw it.

Her cell phone rang in her pocket and she pulled it out to see the caller. Garret's name popped up on the screen but she wasn't in the mood for him. She didn't want a lecture. Part of her had hoped it was Woody, that he'd come save her but she knew this time she was in it alone. Woody was a different person now and their relationship wasn't the same as it was before. This time she had to do it alone and hope she survived.

XXXXX

"This is Jordan, leave a message after the beep…"

"Jordan," Garret started, he hated leaving messages. He felt like he was dealing with Abby all over again. "Lance Cook is dead and your prints are all over him. I don't need to tell you how this looks. Now's not the time to do anything stupid. So just turn yourself in and you know…your friends are here for you. We'll help you through this. All right so just call me."

Jordan stared at the phone in her hand and then tossed into the trash bin. She didn't have time for lectures, she was in DC and she was going to finish whatever Pollack started.


	4. A Woman Scorned

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, this chapter took a lot more editing than I thought it would. I would like to thank WIWJ for all her hard work that she put into editing and helping me with this chapter. She has been great and has really improved my stories. Anyway, I hope you enjoy…**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 4 – A Woman Scorned

Woody Hoyt had made a decision. There was a look of determination plastered across his tired face, as he stormed into the morgue calling for Nigel.

"Woodrow?" Nigel asked, rushing out of trace.

"Trace her cell phone and hurry up before Lu gets here."

"Woody I don't think that's a... If they realize we can find her…" Nigel protested.

"She's not in Boston," he snapped, looking impatiently at his friend. "Just trace her phone and then get a plane ticket in an assumed name. I need new identities for both of us."

"Woody, she's a fugitive."

"No shit. Just do it!" He ran his hand across his face and tried to calm down.

"You have to think this through. They'll follow you. They know you'll go after her."

"I took a leave of absence." He told the Brit a little more calmly. "As far as the BPD is concerned, this whole situation with Jordan is forcing me to take some time off. I told the Chief and Walcott I'm staying in California and thinking about my future," he explained.

Nigel frowned. "Woody…"

"Nigel please. I know you'd do it for Jordan. I need to get to her."

"All right, Mate. Consider it done, but keep Lu out of here."

"I'm on it," Woody said as he backed away and hurried down the hall.

XXXXX

Detective Lu Simmons headed towards trace as if she owned the entire morgue. Her black pumps hit the ground with forceful claps as she held her head up confidently, like she was challenging someone to get in her way. She frowned however, when she saw Woody.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly.

"Telling my friends where I'm going to be," he muttered.

"Since you're here…" She stuck out her hand. "I need the file on the Cook case."

"How about 'No'," Woody said, shaking his head. "I gave it to Seely."

"I talked to the Chief," She said smugly, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "The case relates to mine. He's given it to me."

Woody fought against the familiar rage that seemed to always be threatening to overwhelm him these days, especially when around Lu. After a failed attempted to calmly exhale, he swallowed hard and backed up. Lu smirked at the gesture. She'd taught it to him when she was his shrink. He closed his eyes in disgust when he realized that.

"You did what? You had no right." His words, a low growl as they escaped his clenched throat.

"Don't be such a drama queen."

"You just can't stop yourself can you? You have to bring Jordan down, don't you?"

"I'm just doing my job. I didn't load the gun, cock it and pull the trigger."

"Neither did Jordan," Woody practically screamed, receiving many concerned glances from the morgue personnel.

"You know what? Go right on telling yourself that. Your pathetic delusions aren't my problem anymore. If you want to live in denial go right on ahead."

He grabbed her arm and she met his angry eyes, chastising herself for momentarily feeling frightened.

"She didn't do it," he spat. "But I think you already know that."

"She's a fugitive, Woody. You run when you're guilty."

"You don't know her. You don't understand her or why she does what she does." His voice was fluttering between panic and rage when he suddenly looked down and smiled nostalgically. "You don't know what she's been through or just how incredible that makes her."

"If by incredible you mean homicidal… Look as touching as this is," she snapped. "The evidence says she killed a man. She stole evidence." His eyes shot to hers. They both knew damn well who had stolen the evidence. "She violated her probation. She ran." Lu smiled at him. "And I'm going to arrest her."

"You know?" He muttered softly. "For a shrink you're pretty damn insecure." She shook her head at his assessment but he continued. "You never had any reason to be jealous of her." He shook his head now. "It wasn't about her. You were ruining this relationship all by yourself."

"Yeah and you played no part in the failure of our relationship," Lu muttered sarcastically.

"I never said I didn't."

"Look, this isn't personal," she insisted, the humiliated look in her eyes proving otherwise.

"You tell me to keep living in denial? It is called transference. I believe it was you that taught me that word."

She glared at him, her eyes like ice. "I'm not transferring anything."

"You're a small, small person Lu and some point it might be a good idea to grow up."

Lu turned in a huff, grumbling to herself, as an attempt to keep from crying at the cruel truth in Woody's words. This gave Woody enough time to slip back, unnoticed, into trace.

"DC," Nigel mouthed. "I'll meet you tonight at the old Pogue with what you need."

Woody nodded and started to the door before stopping and turning back.

"I don't know what we'd do with out you…" Nigel met the other man's eyes with an understanding nod but said nothing, there was nothing left to be said.

XXXXX

"You're lucky Walcott didn't agree to calling in an ME from out of town. She said you were trustworthy Dr. Winslow," Lu stated, standing with her arms crossed, in front of Lance Cook's body.

Peter looked up at her, fighting the urge to drive the scalpel through her heart like a stake to a vampire. "I thought this was Woody's case."

"He's taking some time off," she said with a false sincerity. "I'm sure you're aware that Woody and Jordan had a relationship. That poses a conflict of interest."

"I don't think I'd call what they had a relationship," Peter muttered. "Definitely not one that constitutes me repeating an autopsy Dr. Macy's already done."

"You guys are eventually going to have to accept the fact that Jordan is homicidal," Lu decided suddenly.

"Can you shut up?" Garret growled, obviously feeling the same urge as Peter.

Lu tossed her head back and frowned. She ran her hands through her hair as an attempt to hide her embarrassment. She hoped no one noticed that her cheeks had turned a shade of red.

"You can't change what the evidence is telling us," she responded. "I'm just here to make sure you don't try and change the evidence."

"That would tampering with evidence and that is something I would never do," Garret said defiantly.

"I'm sorry but what the evidence is telling me, is that Jordan couldn't have been choking him while she shot him with a high powered rifle. Somebody else shot him," Peter grumbled.

"That doesn't prove she didn't kill him," Lu protested 

"I'm sorry?" Macy held up the file. "Cause of death. Gun shot wound. Bruising around the neck timed just before death. Jordan's DNA on his neck. How does that not prove she didn't kill him exactly?"

"This rifle was shot from yards away. You think Jordan choked him and then magically transported two hundred feet away and shot him?" Peter quipped.

"I still don't think a jury will have a hard time convicting her," Lu said angrily.

"Between CSI and my testimony? I do," Peter added.

"She killed Pollack," Lu told them firmly.

"What happened to innocent until proven guilty?" Garret asked.

"She's proved guilty and yet you all keep defending her. You know she's capable of doing it. The evidence proves she did it. I have no doubt in my mind that Jordan pulled the trigger on JD Pollack. I also believe with the help of an accomplice she also murdered this man here."

"No I think that's what you want to believe," Garret hissed. "It might help sooth your ego."

Lu shook her head with a scoff. "My ego is just fine thank you. What happened between Woody and myself, has no bearing on this case here. I am simply an objective party."

"I haven't once heard you be objective," Garret stated fiercely.

"Why? Why would she just kill him?" Peter asked with frustration. "And if she did, why would she make it so obvious? She's a medical examiner, quite capable of committing murder that could not be solved."

"Why'd she kill Malden? Let's start there," Lu stated.

"She didn't kill Malden," Garret snapped.

"Oh right, the convenient brother no one saw."

"Woody saw him," Peter added.

"Woody now there's a reliable source. Maybe that's her accomplice."

"Do you even hear yourself? He jumped into the Charles River and she was cleared of all charges," Garret shouted.

"I wasn't talking about the brother," she said coldly. "However, wouldn't that be convenient. The brother that only Woody and Jordan saw, jumped into the river but his body was never discovered."

"I believe Kapra saw him too," Peter continued.

"Detective Kapra, the one who just suffered a nervous breakdown and is taking a much needed rest at Summit View?"

Both Peter and Garret scowled at the blonde detective.

XXXXX

Woody sat at the back of what was now Ian's Pub. It never felt the same after Max left. It always felt empty, lonely and desolate.

Woody could feel his heart rate rising as he waited for Nigel. He knew what he was about to do might very well cost him everything and it scared him. Not as much as the thought of losing Jordan, he didn't know if he could make it through something like that.

Nigel appeared. The collar of his trench coat turned up, obscuring his face. "Good evening Mr. Anderson," Nigel said grimly.

Woody smiled as he took the passports and driver's licenses from Nigel's hand.

"Please call me Scott," Woody said looking at the items in his hand. Nigel pulled out a credit card and cell phone from his pocket and handed them to Woody.

"I made you and your wife four reservations," he hummed. "Seems you like to travel."

"We do. We do." Woody nodded, taking his flight and hotel information.

"Well!" Nigel's sudden shout made him jump. "I just wanted to say goodbye. I'll see you when you return to Boston. I'm certain you'll have an excellent time in LA, Mate. Pick me up a postcard!" Nigel said loudly as he wandered back towards the door.

"Bye Nige." Woody raised his eyebrows and waved lethargically.

XXXXX

Jordan sat at the back of a dingy bar, slowly sipping her scotch. She missed having Woody by her side when she fell off the map. These were exactly the kinds of moments she usually shared with him. Life – threatening; career – ending; slightly on the benevolent side of, ethical moments. This time he wouldn't be there to bail her out.

Her jukebox selection had finally come around and Lynyrd Skynyrd filled the air around her. She closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of being wrapped in Woody's strong arms as he moved her around the dance floor. Freebird, honestly it was the perfect song for them. She still remembered the strength of his expression as he pleaded with her to dance but then she remembered Pollack's expression when she'd given into that plea. Her throat constricted as her eyes flooded with tears.

She could still see Pollack's lifeless body lying on the bed beside her. She needed to know why somebody would want him dead and especially, why they would frame her.

She pulled her glass back to her lips and emptied the contents into her mouth, ignoring the burn on her esophagus. She then tossed some money onto the table and walked away.

XXXXX

Woody left the bar still feeling rather shaken up. He had a few hours before he had to catch his flight. He climbed into his car and drove through Boston until he found what he was looking for. He went into a bar and slid into a chair beside a man in his mid thirties.

Woody noticed how the man's tie had been loosened, and almost smiled when he met his glossy red rimmed eyes. Perfect. The man's hair stood on end from running his hands through it, Woody knew from personal experience that usually meant a man was at his wit's end.

"My wife just left me," the man moaned, as he took a large gulp of his whisky. Woody nodded and let the man continue. "I just lost my job and now my wife has left me. I have never regretted making her sign a prenup until now."

"I think I can help," Woody said. "My name is John Martin."

"What can you possibly do?"

"What's your name?"

"Clark Peters."

"Well Clark, It's your lucky day. I'm in Hotels and I'm looking to build a hotel here in Boston. I need some research done on a bunch around the country. I need a scout. Seems mine just quit on me, something about finding the love of his life." He made a face. "You wouldn't be interested in working for me would you? I'm in a bind. I already have a flight booked as well as reservations, I'm going to be out a few grand."

"What's the catch?"

"There isn't a catch. You'd have to go under the name Woodrow Hoyt. We use aliases. They can't find out we're researching them. It's three weeks at a hotel in LA, fully paid."

"How is this all going to work?"

"Trust me, it will," Woody nodded, his words spilling quickly out of his mouth. He reached into the brief case Nigel had brought him and started slapping things into the drunk man's hand. "You have this credit card for your stay and food. You can sign the back and it's your business card. Three weeks and then you fly back here and my associate Nigel Townsend will ensure you get paid. You just have to call this number. We'll also need receipts."

"How do I know this isn't some scam?"

"You don't Clark," he said grinning. "But what do you have to lose?"

"Yeah," Clark sighed and rubbed his head again "I'll take it."

"See you in three weeks then," Woody winked grabbing his bag and walking out the door. "You're a life saver Clark."

XXXXX

Woody sighed again staring at his empty bag of peanuts. His stomach churned, as he thought of everything he stood to lose.

"Don't you like to fly?" the woman in the seat beside him asked.

"Not really," he admitted.

"First time in Washington?"

"Yeah actually it is."

"I'm Claire."

"Scott."

"Have you been married long?" she asked looking at the wedding ring that sparkled on his finger.

"Five years." It was almost true. They'd been acting like an old married couple for five years.

"Any children?"

"Not yet."

"What's your wife's name?"

"Hayley."

"I'm sure she's a very lucky woman."

Woody smiled. "Well I keep telling her that but you know…"

"I'm sure she knows. So what do you do?"

"Architect."

"Sounds fascinating."

"What do you do?"

"FBI."

"Really?"

"I put together undercover assignments."

"Now that sounds fascinating."

"It can be. Depends on the assignment."

"Are you married?"

"I was. It turns out my husband was more fascinated with his receptionist."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I got my son Rory out of it. I couldn't ask for anything more."

XXXXX

Jordan opened her eyes to her small motel room. She had slept maybe an hour on the hard, lumpy mattress and she felt even more exhausted than when she'd lay down. Except now her back felt like she'd been sleeping on a rock. She looked over at the alarm clock, its bright neon letters informed her it was four in the morning. No wonder she was so tired. She rolled out of bed and staggered into the tiny bathroom. She turned the shower on and made sure the water was hot. She'd need it.

As she climbed under the hot spray her mind flooded with thoughts of her, Woody, Riggs and Lu. All the things that had brought her to this moment. And JD. She hadn't really thought too much about JD. She'd ignored those emotions until now as she crumbled to the floor of the tub and cried, she remembered why. She cried for JD, she cried for herself but mostly she cried for a love that she'd never gotten to explore.

XXXXX

Woody's flight landed at 5:00 in the morning. He hadn't slept in 48 hours. He felt like crap because of it. He said goodbye to his seat partner who had talked his ear off the entire flight. Something he was extremely grateful for because it meant he didn't have to process anything he was feeling. He wasn't very good at processing emotion anymore. Not that he ever really was.

Woody had no idea where to begin to look for Jordan. She'd obviously paid for her hotel in cash. He pulled out all the information Nigel had gathered on the four autopsy files and Clarence Gordon. He had also photocopied the police reports for each of the autopsy files. This was all he had.

He started walking out of the airport. He'd barely packed anything so he didn't have to wait for his bags. He went to the nearest car rental place. It was of course closed. He sat down on the cold pavement and waited. Hoping he wouldn't have to wait too long. His airplane peanuts weren't going to keep his stomach filled forever.

XXXXX

Jordan finally got out of the shower and got dressed. She slid her motel key into the pocket of her jeans and started walking to the nearest coffee shop.

When she got there she asked for the dishwater they called coffee. "Comin' right up hon," the lady behind the counter said cheerfully. Jordan didn't understand how anyone could be so cheerful at such an hour.

She slid into a booth near the back and pulled out all the information she had been able to gather. She didn't even know what paper JD had worked for. All she had was information from the four autopsy files and the stuff she'd printed from the Internet about Clarence Gordon. She had no idea where to go from here.

She was used to having Nigel to help her. He would at least be able to track where JD had been for the past three months. She didn't dare try. She couldn't count on Nigel to get her information and she couldn't count on Woody to keep her grounded. She was on her own now.

No one could find her in DC or she would spend the next nine months in jail.


	5. Nina La Vogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry for yet another delay. This story is hard and it needs a lot of editing. WIWJ gets credit for that, as always she makes it so much better. I'm not even going to try and guarantee faster updates. I'm moving soon and I can't always get to a computer, I'm doing the best I can. Thanks to all my loyal readers for sticking by me. I will have all my stories near completion before the premiere. (At least I'll try.)**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 5 – Nina La Vogue

Lu tapped her fingers furiously on the desk while she awaited the Captain and Walcott to meet her in her office. They arrived together and took the two seats across from her.

"Have you found a break Detective Simmons?" the captain asked cheerfully.

"I am under the impression that Dr. Cavanaugh, has an accomplice."

"Do you have motive for Dr. Cavanaugh, for both murders?" Renee asked with concern.

"Not quite, I'm still working on why. However, Dr. Cavanaugh is the only one that could have done it. Everyone saw her and Mr. Pollack arguing the night he was murdered. She has a bruise on her arm. She had GSR on her hands. She seemed certain she did it at the crime scene and with a past like hers, psychological delusions and homicidal behaviour is quite possible."

"Where does the accomplice fit in?" the captain asked with confusion.

"I would like to reopen the Malden case," Lu exclaimed.

"Her brother was held responsible for that murder," Renee interjected.

"What if it wasn't the brother? I've heard she's lost it before and done many illegal things in the pursuit of obtaining justice for her mother," Lu continued.

"I don't think its necessary to reopen the murder of Chief Malden," Renee responded awkwardly. "As crazy as Jordan is I don't think she's a serial killer. You're going to have to bring us more evidence. Relate this case to her mother's death and we'll talk about it then. As for an accomplice…"

"I have some suspicions about Detective Hoyt? He's been known to go out of his way for her. I believe he'd do anything for her."

Both Walcott and the captain frowned. "Detective Hoyt is one of my best homicide detectives. He's been through a lot over the past year and I don't think I want his name being dragged through the mud again with allegations that turn out to be false." The captain narrowed his eyes at her angrily.

"The bottom line, Detective Simmons, is that we need more evidence. Bring us proof and we'll talk," Renee said, as she stood up and dismissed the topic.

"Where is Detective Hoyt now? He's protecting her, you have to know that!" Lu protested. "He's done it before."

"That's quite enough Detective," the captain said roughly. "Either bring us proof or look for other theories."

XXXXX

Woody rocked from foot to foot as he waited. When the man flipped over the sign to open he almost knocked the scrawny man over with the door. The man watched Woody nervously through his thick horn-rimmed glasses. The thick glass lenses made his eyes look much larger than they actually were.

Woody sensed that he was afraid and any other time he would have politely pulled out his badge and put the man at ease. This was not one of those times.

"C…can… I… h…hel…help you sir," the scrawny man stuttered.

"I need to know if this woman came in here within the last few days. She would have paid straight cash."

The man looked down at the photo and then back at Woody. "I'm…I'm n…not r…r…really sure. I…I s…see a…a lot of faces."

"Please its very important that I find her," Woody insisted. "She's in a lot of danger."

"I…I c…ca…can have the…the staff look at…at it."

"It's essential I find her immediately."

Woody took a deep breath and watched the clerk frown as he called out to another man. Woody looked the other man over, in an attempt to hide his receding hairline the man had shaved his head. Woody distractedly moved his hand through his own hair.

"Sir? My name is Chris Deupner, I'm the manager here. What can I do for you?" He pulled himself up straight in an attempt to close the height difference between himself and Woody.

"Scott Anderson," Woody quickly shot out his hand in a greeting. "I need to find this woman. It is an emergency."

"We can call the police for you..."

"No!" Woody said quickly. "That will only make matters worse."

"Sir if it's an emergency the police are more able to deal with these sorts of things. " Woody bit his tongue to keep from smiling, all his years on the force had done nothing to prepare him for these sorts of things.

"She's my wife. She's a schizophrenic, and off her medication she has paranoid delusions that someone is after her. I can't involve the police. The last time that happened it only made matters worse. Things got out of control."

"It's really a violation of privacy laws to give you that information." Woody resisted the sudden urge to reach into his pocket and pull out his badge. He was glad he'd left it in Boston.

"Please. I know someone here will recognize her. She would have only paid cash."

"Let's talk about this in my office," The man frowned at his own suggestion. Woody smiled appreciatively and followed him to the back.

"I'm not supposed to do this but I was the one that rented the car to your wife." He looked down shamefully. "I remember her being real skittish, she kept glancing over her shoulder. I should have never given her a car, but she was very persuasive."

"Schizophrenics can be great manipulators. Look, I know you're concerned. I have her license," Woody said, dropping the fake ID Nigel gave him onto the desk. "Will that help you?"

"Hayley Anderson isn't the name she used."

"She's schizophrenic not stupid." Woody snapped before moving his hand over his face. "If you were afraid you were being followed would you use your real name?"

"I talked her into a sedan. The name she used was Nina, I believe. I'm sorry I can't remember what she said her last name was."

"Nina La Vogue?" Woody sighed knowingly remembering every detail of working that case with Jordan.

"Yes, yes that was the name she used," the man typed frantically on the keyboard until he pulled up Jordan's information.

"She's used it before." Hoyt said softly.

"She didn't provide us with a license. She said her purse had just been stolen and that she didn't have ID or any credit cards on her. She paid cash and we let her, which we're not supposed to do."

Woody could have kissed the man.

"The car she rented, does it have GPS?"

"Mr. Anderson, for all I know, you're the person she was afraid was following her. The only thing I'm willing to tell you is the license plate number. Everything else you'll have to figure out on your own."

"Fair enough." Woody nodded.

"The plate number is RDW 231."

"Thank you sir," Woody said extending his hand.

"Not a word about this to anyone."

"I won't speak a word of it," Woody assured him. "Now how about renting me one of these babies?"

XXXXX

Jordan found Clarence Gordon's office easily. She went inside and introduced herself to the receptionist. The receptionist was an older lady. Her hair, which used to be jet black, was now laced with silver. She wore reading glasses and did not smile as Jordan entered and extended her hand. "What did you say your name was?" the receptionist asked indifferently.

"Nina La Vogue."

"Are you a reporter?"

"Not quite," Jordan said with a smile.

"What is it you do?"

"Interior design," Jordan lied.

"Does he have an appointment scheduled with you?"

"Actually it's for his home. His wife asked me to stop by and talk to him."

"I'll see if he's available Ms. La Vogue, but I can't make you any promises," the woman said coldly.

Jordan sat down in one of the large velvet chairs in the waiting area.

"Who are you?" a man asked bitterly, from an open door. Jordan immediately recognized him as Clarence Gordon.

"Mr. Gordon, it's so nice to meet you. Your wife sent me over. I hope it's not a bad time."

"Why would she send you over here?" he asked, obviously annoyed.

"She wanted me to ask you what fabric you like better for the living room."

"We just did the god damn living room," he spat. "Well make it quick."

"May we step into your office?"

"Is it really that important? In fact just tell her I like whatever one she already picked out."

"Well that's why I'm here. She can't decide between the two she likes best."

"You know I'm very busy. Is there one in blue?"

"No."

"Well what colours are there?"

"Well they're both purple but it's the design."

"You're bothering me over swirls versus polka dots?"

"Just let me show you," Jordan said walking past him and into his office. He had no choice but to follow; his face a dark shade of red.

XXXXX

Woody stared at his cell phone, willing it to ring. He couldn't get any further until Nigel tracked the GPS. He had to wait until 1:00 to check into his hotel room, that Nigel had booked for him and Jordan, and it was only 10:00.

He sat on a park bench and read through the first police report, he had to have missed something. Once he found the name of the primary suspect he scribbled it down and moved onto the next one. When he had the names of all four suspects, he closed the files and glared at his cell phone.

He took a deep breath, reminding himself this was Jordan's life, his career and he didn't have a lot of choices right now. He dialed the number.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end answered.

"Cal." He sighed.

"Woody?"

"I need a favour."

"I thought you weren't talking to me."

"Calvin, I don't have anyone else to call." He almost shouted. "I need you to do something for me."

"And I'm just supposed to…"

"I have four names I need you to gather information…"

"You're a cop Woody what do you need me for?"

"It's a long story."

"Start telling it."

"Calvin I don't have time for this!" He was shouting now.

"Look you kicked me out of your life and I respected that decision." He heard his brother stop for a breath. "You called me."

"Jordan's in trouble."

"What happened?"

"Cal..."

"Woody, you know I love Jordan. Hell I know you love Jordan." He took a deep breath. "What do you need me to do?"

"Let me give you some names. Find out what you can, and wait for my call. " He clutched the file in his hands. "Cal… She's all I've got in this world."

"Okay. Give me the names."

XXXXX

Jordan laid out the two patterns for Clarence Gordon. "Well which one do you like?"

He looked at them, still looking frustrated. "I guess the floral one."

"You're sure?" Jordan asked.

"Why wouldn't I be sure? I don't care whether she redid the whole home in Bubble gum pink, for Christ sakes," he said getting flustered.

"What's your rush?"

He glared at her. "I have a job to do."

"Can I use the washroom?" Jordan asked. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"It's right there," he said pointing to a small door on the left. "Hurry up."

Jordan nodded and went into the bathroom.

XXXXX

Woody leaned back on the bench and watched some children playing in the sandbox. His phone started to ring and he jumped. "Hello," he said dryly.

"It's me." He reminded himself not to say either of their names. "I'm calling from a payphone, Mate."

"I need a license plate tracked. Track the GPS, it's her rental."

"Okay, I'll do my best."

"The number is RDW 231."

"Okay, I'll call you back."

"Talk to you soon?"

"As soon as I know."

XXXXX

Jordan waited several minutes and then emerged. Clarence was no longer in the office and she quickly made her way over to his desk and pulled open the drawer. She found a small address book and his blackberry. She tossed them into her purse and quickly slammed the drawer shut.

The office door opened and she looked up at Clarence's receptionist. "Ready to leave Ms. La Vogue," the woman asked coldly.

"Yes thank you. Thank Mr. Gordon for his time. I'm sure his wife will love the pattern he picked out."

"I'm sure she will." Jordan noted a hint of jealousy in the lady's voice.

XXXXX

Nigel could feel his heart smashing into his rib cage as he entered the numbers Woody had given him. Bug entered the room and Nigel tried unsuccessfully to hide what he was doing. "Nigel what are you doing?"

"Nothing," he said. "I'm just trying to find an old friend."

Bug narrowed his eyes. "You better not be helping Jordan. You heard Dr. Macy. If you're talking to her…"

"I'm not," Nigel snapped.

"Nigel, if the BPD finds out you know where she is then they'll hold you until you tell them."

As if on cue Matt Seely entered the room. "Hey guys, any information on my body?"

"Not yet Seely," Bug said as Nigel typed frantically into his computer.

"Relax Nigel, I know you know where Jordan is but I don't care. As long as Lu doesn't find out, you'll be fine," Matt Seely commented as Nigel continued typing.

Nigel looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I know Woody came to you. I also know wherever she is, that's where he went. I'm not stupid. Most of BPD is aware you're the only one that would and could help her. However, Lu doesn't know that and no one plans on telling her."

Nigel smiled at him appreciatively.

"Now do what you're doing quick because I know Lu is on her way back over here."

XXXXX

Jordan wandered inside her hot smelly motel room and dropped her purse onto the bed. She pulled out the blackberry that she had stolen from Clarence Gordon's office. She turned it on and tried unsuccessfully to get information from it. She wished she could send it to Nigel, she knew he'd get something out of it within minutes. Even Sydney could do that but she did not have the technology.

She pulled out the address book and read through the names he had listed. At first nothing caught her attention until she fell upon one thing that did. _Tom Malden_. The book plummeted to the floor as she considered Malden's fate and how connected he'd been to her mother.

She collapsed onto the bed and felt hot tears welling up in her eyes. What if this all connected to her mother? She could finally know what happened or maybe she was still just as obsessed at finding out why as ever. She shook her head, this didn't necessarily mean anything. In fact, it more than likely meant nothing whatsoever.

XXXXX

Lu ignored what Renee Walcott had said, as she pulled out the Malden case and set it on her desk. She was still convinced Jordan was more connected in that murder than everyone else believed. She opened the manila file folder and dumped the contents onto her desk. She looked at the photos from the crime scene, read Woody's statement and then read some of the other statements in the file. She read through Max's police record, that she had access to as the precinct psychologist. She also pulled the cold case on Jordan's mother.

She was convinced with this she'd find the connection and finally convince everyone that Jordan was guilty.

XXXXX

Woody lifted his cell phone and dialed his brother's number again.

"Hello?" Cal sounded skeptical.

"Anything?"

"I found a connection for all four names."

"What is it?"

"They were all part of the Irish mob in Boston. Two of them were drug mules and the other two were higher up."

"So if they were to commit murder the mob would see to it that they were let off."

"Yeah the mob would bribe whoever they needed to, to get these guys off. That's the perks of being part of it, you're well protected."

"Thanks Cal."

"Come on Woods, that's it? We haven't talked in over a year and that's all you have to say?"

"I can't do this right now Calvin."

"Woody, I know what I did was wrong and I'm trying to turn my life around."

"That's good Cal, really. When this is over and Jordan's out of trouble…"

"Yeah, whatever," Cal muttered and then the dial tone filled Woody's ear.

XXXXX

Jordan curled up on the hard mattress as tears descended down her cheeks. She'd never felt more alone. She wanted to go home to Boston, to sit at her desk and even do paperwork if it meant she was back with her friends. She wanted to dance in Woody's arms again and spend her nights at her father's bar. She wanted to sleep in her own bed and listen to Nigel's stupid jokes. She'd give anything to go home.

She pulled the blackberry back out and turned it on. She was disappointed to find that the battery was dead. She tossed it back in her purse and closed her eyes, willing sleep to claim her, just for a little while.

XXXXX

Woody looked at his watch. It was quarter to one. He could finally check into his hotel room. He lifted his small carry on bag and headed towards the nearest cab. He hoped it wouldn't take Nigel much longer to track the GPS system.

As if on cue his cell phone started ringing and he answered it quickly. "This is H…Scott."

"Hey, I tracked the GPS. The vehicle spends most of its time on the corner of Baker and Rubidge street. I checked it out. There is a motel there." Once again Woody marvelled in Nigel's genius.

"Thanks. I'll check into my room and then head over there."

"Don't startle her mate, she probably has a gun."

"She's probably not even there. Do me a favour; find out everything you can on the Irish mob in Boston."

"Yeah okay, I'll call you tonight."

"Thank you, for everything."

"Be careful, Mate." Townsend reminded him. "Bring her home."


	6. Room 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Thanks for being patient with me. This chapter was outlined and I knew what I wanted to do with it but actually writing it was a whole different story. I finally got it together and thanks to WIWJ, I got it edited. I hope you enjoy…**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 5 – Room 10

Jordan pulled herself from the bed and grabbed her wallet on her way out the door. She needed to find out what paper JD had worked for and she didn't plan to sleep until she knew. She wished she had asked him when they had gone for coffee.

She walked out to the sedan in the parking lot and climbed into the driver's seat. She turned the car on and put it into reverse. She stopped momentarily to stare at the dark circles that hugged the underbelly of her eyes. Next stop would be the library.

XXXXX

Woody wandered into the hotel lobby and marvelled at just what Nigel had booked for him and Jordan. He had no idea what a place like this would cost, but he would bet anyone, it would be more than both he and Jordan could afford together.

He walked briskly to the counter and smiled at the receptionist. Her eyes lit up when she saw his dimples. "Can I help you sir?" she asked cheerfully.

"I'm checking in. The reservation is for Anderson."

She typed the last name into the computer and his file quickly popped up on screen. "The honeymoon suite?" she asked quizzically.

"Yep," he said with a smile.

"Did you bring your wife?" she asked, noticing the ring on his finger for the first time.

"She's coming later. Her flight's not in yet," he said cheerfully as he slapped his credit card onto the counter.

"Are you newlyweds?" she asked as she swiped it through the machine.

"No, it's a second honeymoon," he said, thinking of just how far from a honeymoon this was.

"Congratulations," she replied. "Have a wonderful stay Mr. Anderson."

"Thank you, I will," he said as he took the key from her extended hand.

XXXXX

Jordan parked the car and went inside. She signed herself in and went to the nearest computer. She'd grabbed one of those free trial of AOL disks at the grocery store last week. She had seventy five more minutes to gather everything she needed on JD before heading back for another.

She typed Pollack's name into the header and began to scroll through the list of articles from Boston and came across the one he'd written about Woody. She had no idea what made her hit print and it didn't even click until the printer had spit it out. She snatched it up and slid it into her file folder.

Finally she came across one not written in Boston. It was a story about a little girl who had died in a car accident. She printed it off and slid the article into her folder. She missed her laptop, but she'd left it at home so no one could track her.

That was when it clicked that her cell phone had been on when she tossed it into the garbage bin, in Washington. The thought made her sick, as she realized any one of the morgue personnel could track where she was. She quickly snatched up her belongings and raced out the front door and to the car.

She jumped into the driver's seat and peeled out of the parking lot. She drove to the nearest hair salon and went inside. She selected a blonde wig and then went to a nearby store and purchased sunglasses. When she was convinced her own father would not recognize her, she went back to her car and pulled out the printout she'd just made of JD's last article.

XXXXX

Woody parked his car at the cheap motel Jordan had obviously been staying in and went inside the office. A large man was sitting at the desk and a smell of grease and sweat emanated from him. It was enough to make Woody want to gag.

"Can I help you?" the man asked tersely.

"I'm looking for my wife," Woody said, dropping the picture of Jordan onto the counter.

"Pretty lady," he said with a grin. Woody cringed.

"What room is she in?"

"Never seen her before," the man lied.

"Very funny," Woody said. "I know she's here, now what room?"

"Why do you want to know so bad?"

"Because she's my wife and I have a right to know where she is," Woody said bitterly.

"Never seen her before."

Woody slapped a fifty dollar bill onto the counter in front of the man. The man grinned toothlessly. "All right. I believe she's in room 10. If she's having an affair, don't kill the guy in the room. I don't want blood on my bedspread."

Woody smiled. "I'll be careful."

Woody then slipped from the room and made his way over to room 10. He knocked several times and then pulled out a pin. He slid it into the lock and waited to hear the click. The door swung open and Woody was met with her perfume. It was so strong that tears flooded his eyes.

XXXXX

Jordan found the building where Pollack had been working since he'd left Boston. She stared at the cement walls and tried to imagine him coming to a place like this everyday. She walked inside the front entrance. The fluorescent lights were brighter than the sun and they stung her eyes as the light reflected off the sterile white walls. "Can I help you?" the receptionist called coldly.

"My name is Nina La Vogue. I'm a colleague of JD Pollack's."

"Who?"

"JD Pollack. He worked here."

"No one by that name ever worked here, Ms. La Vogue."

Jordan placed the printout of JD's article onto the counter. "Then where did this come from?"

The woman suddenly looked frightened and Jordan watched her press a button. Two men dressed in security uniforms emerged from behind a closed door. They both came towards Jordan looking quite angry. "It's time you left ma'am."

"What the hell is going on?" Jordan yelled. "I haven't done anything. Get your hands off of me and tell me what the hell is going on."

"You're not welcome here."

Jordan pulled away as they went through the doors. "What is going on?"

"Don't come back," both men said, as they turned and went back inside. Tears filled Jordan's eyes, it had been a long time since she'd worked a case on her own. She wasn't very good at it she decided. For the first time it occurred to her to stop fighting. Maybe it was time to just turn herself in and give up.

XXXXX

Woody leaned back onto Jordan's bed and sat there contemplating his next move. He glanced at the clock, it was now almost four. He wished he could call Nigel. He felt so useless having Nigel do everything for them in Boston. He heard a car door slam outside the door and jumped out of the bed with a feeling of excitement and dread.

XXXXX

Jordan climbed out of the car and attempted again to wipe away her hot, angry tears. She had cried enough over the last few days. She felt like she'd never get anything accomplished, that no matter how hard she fought, she'd go to jail for a murder that she did not commit.

She ripped the key from her pocket and jammed it into to lock. She turned it until it clicked and then threw the door open in her rage. She stomped inside and slammed the door closed, still trying to figure out her next move.

Suddenly someone grabbed her from behind. She felt her heart literally stop beating as one hand covered her mouth to keep her from screaming and another gripped her arms tightly to keep her from fighting back. She knew she was completely defenseless and prepared herself to be dragged away.

"Shhh, Jordan it's me," Woody's voice soothed.

She shook violently. She had not heard Woody at all. "Jordan, it's just me. Can I let you go now with out getting shot? Calm down, Jo. It's just me."

It was his cologne that got through to her first. The words suddenly came together in her head and she slowly attempted to relax in his arms. She let herself get lost for a second in his smell, in his embrace. He let her go and she pulled away and turned to face him. "What the fuck were you thinking?" she screamed.

"That's your question?" He almost stomped his foot like a frustrated child. "It took me all of two seconds to get in here. How long would it take whoever is trying to kill you?" he screamed back.

"I could have killed you."

"You didn't even see it coming. I can't believe how defenseless you left yourself. Jesus Jordan, I could have killed you right there and you would have been powerless to stop me."

"What are you doing here?" she shouted angrily.

"I came for you." He took her by the shoulders.

"I'm not going back with you." She tried to shrug him away. "I will not go back."

"I didn't come here to take you home." Woody looked at her for a second, tightening his grip.

"They will follow you and find me and you with me." She shook her head like he was an idiot.

"I'm not an idiot Jordan. I didn't make it that easy." He smiled at her despite the situation. "I bought a fake Woody. They'll trace him to LA. Find him staying at the comfortable Hilton."

"You could lose your badge," she whispered finally.

"I could have lost you," he whispered back, watching her look up at him with her tired eyes. "You mean more to me than my badge Jordan."

"I don't want to ruin your future," she spat at him.

"I have no future if you're not in it," he responded softly.

She stared at him, the word's he'd spoken hung in the air between them. She struggled not to lean into his chest and let him fold his arms around her.

"I don't want you to do this," she argued weakly.

"You don't always get what you want," he told her, grinning a little, as his thumbs started to move in circles around the balls of her shoulders. "I'm here and you're going to have to deal with it. Now we can stand here and fight about it. Or you can pack your stuff up and get out of this cesspool of disease and we can find a way to have you exonerated." He raised his eyebrows like it was easy. "You tell me what you want to do."

She narrowed her eyes at him but knew she'd lost. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere with actual security. Put these on," he said, handing her the rings from his pocket.

"What? Why?"

"Do it. Here is your license. You are my wife. We married five years ago after meeting at a bank. I am an architect. You can be whatever you want to be." He bent down and picked up the sunglasses that she'd lost in the struggle, putting them back on her face. "We are here on our second honeymoon."

"Hayley Anderson. Catchy," she told him flatly. "What's your name?"

"Scott," he told her, gathering up the few items she had in the room and depositing them on the small table.

"I married a Scott?" she huffed. "What a boring name."

"I didn't pick it. Nigel did," he said getting exasperated.

"Nige knows where we are?"

"Of course he does. He helped me get here."

"Does anyone else know?" she asked, as she was overcome by a feeling of panic.

"No."

She watched him throw her stuff into a bag and sling it over his shoulder.

"Where'd you get these? she asked holding up the ring for her inspection. "Nigel? He's got good taste."

"They were my parents wedding rings," he stated putting his hand against her back as he led her outside. He felt her stumble a little at his announcement, leaning forward to look in her eyes. She pressed her lips together before taking another look at the ring. "Let's go."

XXXXX

"Catching you at a bad time Dr. Townsend?" Lu brushed through the doors into trace, where Nigel quickly exited the research he was gathering for Woody.

"Just working on a case. Sorry to disappoint you, Luv," he lied.

"Oh?" She lifted her eyebrows with suspicion. "What case?

"Can I do something for you Detective Simmons?"

She thought of demanding he tell her where Jordan was but she knew he would just lie like the rest of them, to protect Jordan. It's what they all did best, even Garret. "Yeah, actually you can. I want to know everything you know about James Horton," she said, as she tossed her head back.

"Why?" he asked, recognizing the name immediately.

"There are rumours that he was Jordan's brother and Chief Malden's son."

"What does he have to do with your present case?" Nigel asked, with irritation.

"Everything," she said with a smile.

XXXXX

Jordan followed Woody back to the car lot. She had not been impressed when he'd told her of her apparent "Schizophrenia."

She parked the car and climbed out and followed him to the doorway. The man behind the counter recognized them both immediately. Woody placed both sets of keys onto the counter and smiled at the man. "You found her?"

"I always do," Woody said gently. "Come on Hale."

She looked sheepishly at the man before following Woody back outside.

"I can't believe you told them I was schizophrenic," she growled in a low whisper. She wondered if it had been part of Nigel's plan or if Woody had come up with that little gem all on his own. She thought of her mother, wondering if he had.

"Is it really that big of a deal?" He huffed. She didn't answer.

"Are we going to walk to your secure hide out?"

"We'll go to another lot."

She followed him to the road and he flagged down a taxi.

XXXXX

Seely entered trace and found Lu and Nigel arguing about James. "So what do **we** have so far?" he asked picking up a donut from the box and walking around to them.

"None of your damn business," Lu said flashing him her plastic smile before turning back to Nigel.

"Oh gosh… sorry didn't anyone tell you?" He grinned at Nige over her shoulder.

"Tell me what?" she shrieked, as she spun around to face him.

"I was just gossiping with the Captain. Seems I didn't know he was the only one who hadn't heard about you and Hoyt! Was that supposed to be a secret?" He sucked air through his teeth. "Anyway, he's actually a little upset about it, something about you being his shrink and 'ethic's of a whore house'…" Matt shook his head. "It's hard to understand him when he yells." He shook his head again. "So when I offered to assist you on the case, he seemed relived… Something about 'bias out the corn hole'... and law suits or something…"

"You ass," Lu spat, as her eyes narrowed into angry slits.

"Oh God! I'm sorry! It was a secret you were banging Hoyt? Oh I see cause it's a violation of your code of ethics as a practicing psychologist. Gee, I didn't think of that. Stupid… Stupid…" Seely said with sarcasm. "Oh well, I'm sure we'll all get what we deserve in the end… Now Lu Lu," he said mockingly, "I'm certain we can put aside our differences and make sure the right guy gets fried for the whack job right?"

"Are you accusing me of being biased?"

"Nah." He swatted the air in front of him. "Wait... Yep… I guess that would be what I'm accusing you of. Since you got burned you want to burn Jordan and for an extra twist of psycho you want to singe Woody a little too... Now if that doesn't scream bias then what does?"

She curled her thin lips into a frown. "Detective Seely, the facts are there. The evidence is there…"

"Evidence of what? Yes, Jordan was there when he died but she didn't kill him and as for Hoyt, I've known him for years. He is one of the smartest guys I know… He wouldn't be stupid enough to illegally purchasing a high powered rifle. And he's not stupid enough shooting a man while the love of his life was standing close enough to choke him. Do you hear yourself when you speak?"

"I don't think you quite understand what Dr. Cavanaugh is capable of! She has Hoyt wrapped around her little finger."

"And?" Seely's face contorted into one of absolute disbelief. "That little fact pisses you off so much you'd accuse them of murder. You're sick Lulu really. The jealousy thing is not very grown up of you. Now… since I work in the grownup world? Here's what's going to happen. We are going to work on solving the murders of JD Pollack and Lance Cooke. If you have a problem with that, you can pull yourself from the case."

Nigel couldn't hide the smile that spread across his face as he watched Seely stand up to the perky, blond detective.

XXXXX

Jordan looked over at Woody as he drove through Washington in the new rental. His face looked hardened, older, more worn and tired.

"When was the last time you slept?" she asked gently.

"The night Pollack was killed," he answered honestly, glancing over at her.

"You should get some sleep. You look like shit," she said with a smile.

"I will now that I know you're okay." He smiled at her softly, as they pulled into the parking lot of the hotel they were staying at.

"We're staying here?"

"Nigel set this up too. Oh, one thing, he booked us the honeymoon suite, which means there is only one bed."

"Not like we haven't shared a bed before," she said flippantly.

"Yeah well, look how that turned out," he said slowly.

"What does that mean?" She asked almost defensively, trying to keep the hurt from seeping into her voice.

"Nothing. I'm tired."

"Don't worry Farmboy, I'll keep my hands to myself." He laughed and she followed him out of the car and towards the entrance.

"That's not what I mean."

"Yes it is." She shook her head and looked away again. "I understand. You don't want to sleep with me." She jumped a little when he slid his hand into hers as they entered the hotel lobby.

"I just think we have some stuff to talk about before we worry about that," he whispered.

"What ever you say Pookie Bear," Jordan said, with false sweetness as they passed the receptionist, just loud enough to make Woody blush.


	7. The Marriage Routine

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, again. I've been in the process of moving and my stories unfortunately took a back seat. Once again, I have to thank WIWJ, who has been with me on this story since day one helping me with editing and offering advice when I needed it. She has been just wonderful.**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 7 - The Marriage Routine

Nigel glanced up from his microscope just in time to watch them parade into trace, with a very determined master of ceremonies in the lead... Lu Simmons turned her head and shot the chief and Walcott an impatient look, before smirking at Seely.

One look at Matt told Nigel this was trouble.

"Yes, Detective Simmons?" Nigel turned back to his microscope dismissively.

"Trace his cell phone."

"I'm afraid I don't understand." He lifted his eyebrows lazily refusing her any of his attention.

"I know Detective Hoyt is not where he says he is and I intend to prove it," She hissed at Nigel before turning to the chief. "Once I do sir, you'll start to see what I'm trying to tell you."

"Chief this is an invasion of Hoyt's Privacy. You can't allow her to do this," Seely practically begged. Nigel turned around and met the detectives worry etched face and gave him a reassuringly toothy grin.

"I don't think he'd mind Mate," Nigel told him. "He'd probably love to rub in that he's in LA, staying at the Hilton, probably sitting on the beach drinking Mai Tai's," Nigel said with a sigh.

"Prove it," Lu said coldly. "Trace his cell phone."

Nigel smiled, _ahh, this was too easy._

"Does anyone deny that this is Detective Hoyt's cell phone number?" Nigel asked as he typed it into the computer.

"Yes, we all agree it is the right number. Just get to it," the captain said impatiently.

Nigel typed a few more things into the keyboard and a list of locations popped up on the screen.

"Here's Logan airport. Then we have LA…LA… and Ooh look, LA…"

"You fixed that," Lu muttered moving closer to the screen. . "You changed the number."

"DETECTIVE SIMMONS," the captain's booming voice echoed through the large room. "YOU ARE THIS CLOSE," he said holding his finger's less than an inch apart. "To being pulled from the case."

Seely smiled at Nigel. "You know sir, I'm willing to take this case on my own," Seely offered, as he grinned at Lu.

"The jury would be all over a detective being removed from a case, Detective," the captain growled. "Let's not give them anymore ammo."

"Pull up a list of Woody's credit card activity," Lu said softly.

"That'll take time Luv. It's not like I know his Visa number off the top of my..."

"8889 5555 1234 8765," Lu rattled off.

"You mind telling the room, why you have his credit card number memorized?" Seely asked coldly, wondering once again what exactly had happened to Woody's intelligence that he would date Barbie.

"I had to put it in to Travelocity about 60 times trying to book our hotel for this..." she attempted to explain.

"Please… Please Do Not tell me you are sleeping with Hoyt!" Walcott shouted vehemently. "There is no way…" she said looking at the captain. "Is there anyone Hoyt isn't in bed with?" She ignored Seely's raised hand and continued. "You think the jury would be all over switching detectives in the middle of the case, imagine what they would do with that."

"I know Renee," he said fiercely. "Apparently she thought obeying the psychiatric code of ethics was optional."

"You knew about this?" Walcott started, glaring at the captain. "Can I speak to you in private?" Walcott asked him, as her eyes narrowed towards Lu.

"Here is the card activity," Nigel interrupted, pulling everyone's attention to him. "Plane ticket to LA… Hotel reservation at the Hilton in LA… Rental car in LA… Spa Package at the Hilton, in LA… Red Lobster in LA…"

"What is the number to the hotel?" Lu demanded, her face reddening as she yanked her phone from her pocket.

Nigel pulled it up and read it off the screen. Lu switched the cell phone to speaker phone and dialed the number. "Good afternoon, you've reached the Los Angeles Hilton Hotel, how may I help you?"

"I'm looking for Woodrow Hoyt. Did he check into his room yet?"

"One moment please," the voice on the other end said cheerfully. "Yes, it says here he checked in this morning."

"Can I be transferred to his room please?"

"Certainly. Just hold on one moment."

"Hoyt…" a voice answered.

"Hey Woody, it's Nigel. How are the Mai Tai's?" Nigel shouted before Lu slammed her phone closed viciously. "Hey, I didn't even get to ask about the spa!"

"Are you done?" the captain asked, his face a shade of purple.

"It's a set up," Lu muttered and everybody in the room glared at her.

"Look Simmons, either except that you were wrong or you will be dismissed from this case," the captain threatened. "I will not allow you to drag my detectives through the mud because you got dumped."

XXXXX

Woody reluctantly pulled his hand from Jordan's once the elevator doors slid closed.

"Have you found anything yet?" he asked gently.

"Not really," she said truthfully. "I did get this," she said pulling Clarence Gordon's blackberry from her purse. Woody looked at it, as if she were holding a live grenade.

"Jesus, Jordan! Did you take that from him?"

"Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"How about GPS?" he shouted, snatching it from her hand.

"I tossed the battery," she muttered, giving him a look for questioning her.

"It doesn't matter. Are you trying to get caught?"

"Relax, we can get rid of it, I just wanted the information off of it."

"Even if it costs you your life?"

She followed him down the hallway when the elevator doors slid open, watching him look around before opening the door. She gasped as she followed him into the room.

"It's bigger than my apartment."

"We need to get rid of this," he muttered.

"Toss it then, it's probably useless by now. He probably canceled his service," she said, as she dropped dramatically onto the feather bed, relaxing instantly. "I can't do anything with out Nige anymore. It's so path... What?"

She watched his eyebrows furrow at her.

"Where did you get that bruise?" He asked pointing to her wrist.

"Security guards at the paper JD worked for," she moaned nonchalantly, flapping the hand in question back to the bed.

Woody dropped onto his knees and lifted her hand to observe the bruise.

"What the hell happened?"

"As soon as I mentioned Pollack, the receptionist got all freaked out. First she tried telling me he'd never worked for them." She shook her head in annoyance, the story pouring out of her. "But then when I wouldn't leave her alone, she called security and they dragged me out."

Woody swallowed hard trying to force down the anger, it wouldn't help them now. He traced the bruises with his thumb, slipping onto the bed next to her.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked him softly, absorbing the gentle concern of his touch.

"I have Nigel working on something for us. Once he calls we'll have more to go on."

"I'm going to shower," Jordan said as she stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. Woody leaned back on the bed and fell asleep for the first time in days.

XXXXX

Lu stood between Nigel and Seely, as the ME told the detective what he'd learned from the flash drive, to Clarence Gordon to the Irish Mob.

"What about Lance Cook?" Seely asked as Lu rolled her eyes.

"He drugged Jordan," Nigel said flatly.

"So you believe he was paid by whoever killed JD Pollack?"

"Yeah," Nigel nodded at him.

"You can't prove that. Her tox screen was negative," Lu reminded them.

"Then they came back to clean up the witnesses," Seely continued ignoring his partner. She made a sound of disbelief. "This guy could be tailing Jordan," he added with concern.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Woody will protect her," Lu spat.

"So why don't you continue looking into this Irish mob theory. See if you can connect Pollack and we'll work on that too," Seely said, as he looked over at Lu, ignoring her outburst.

"I'm not going to go chasing theories with a bunch of coroners. I'm going to look at facts. I've been doing fine on my own and I'm going to continue to do so," she said as she spun on her heel and stomped out of the room, like a two year old in the middle of a tantrum.

XXXXX

Jordan slipped out of the bathroom, still rubbing the towel across her damp hair. Her breath caught when she saw him asleep on the bed. She sunk down on the bed next to him, folding her legs beneath her and watched him sleep. She'd noticed in Littleton how innocent he'd looked when he slept. So much like the old Woody. The Woody she fell in love with. She fought the urge to crawl into his arms. She wanted to feel safe.

But she needed him to be safe. She thought, looking at the door for a minute. She knew she should go. This wasn't his fight, it was hers, and if he was hurt because of her she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

She leaned back onto the bed beside him and lay there, thinking about everything that had happened since Lily's party, the night before her wedding. She realized she'd missed Lily's wedding, hell she'd ruined Lily's wedding. All part of being Jordan she thought. She looked at the door again, feeling her chest tighten. She tried desperately to stay quiet, holding her breath as the quiet sobs fought their way out of her. She didn't have anywhere to go. If she somehow got the courage to leave this bed, she still wouldn't have anywhere to run.

He'd woken up a few seconds after she'd sat on the bed, waiting silently to see what she'd decide to do. It had surprised him when she'd started to cry. Without a word he had reached over and pulled her against him. She didn't pull away as he wrapped his arms around her. She just buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

XXXXX

Garret Macy was both furious and terrified. He sat at his desk staring blankly at the wall wondering why he let Jordan do the things she did. Part of him hoped to God Woody was with her. Another part of him wished that the starry eyed detective, he had met five years ago, had never come to Boston in the first place. He'd loose his badge this time, there was no doubt.

He wanted scotch, he wanted to be numb. Not worrying about Jordan, or Abby, knowing that at any minute one of them could roll in here on a gurney.

He must have grumbled something resembling come in when she knocked because the door slipped open to reveal Renee Walcott in the doorway.

"Can I help you Renee?" he grumbled, wishing he'd honored his first impulse to ignore the sound.

"You can tell me where Jordan is?"

"I don't know where Jordan is. I never know where Jordan is."

"You know Detective Simmons has it out for her." Renee looked at him, studying his face for anything.

"I'm well aware of Detective Simmons intentions." He rubbed his face with his hands. Simmons was a thorn in their sides. They couldn't do much of anything for Jordan with her watching.

"She thinks Jordan is responsible for Malden's death." Renee's voice was almost pleading. He looked up at her in irritation.

"We all know Jordan was cleared of all charges in Malden's death." He shook his head. "You were there Renee."

"The morgue will become a three ring circus if Malden's case is reopened."

"What great news," he sighed. Renee moved further into the room. He knew she was becoming impatient with him and with this case.

"Look Garret, what do you think happened with Pollack? I need you to tell me. Is there a chance Jordan killed him?"

"I don't know. I can't imagine her just shooting him," he told her softly. "Not without a damn good reason."

"I know Jordan can be hotheaded." Garret looked up at her. "But I agree. I can't see her just shooting the man she'd been dating."

"Detective Simmons wants Jordan's head on a platter and she'll stop at nothing to get her. She's not even looking at all the facts."

"Well I don't really have the authority to pull her from the case."

"Seely's been assigned to work with her," Garret explained.

"Well at least Jordan's got someone in her corner." Renee muttered. "I'm in her corner Garret. I hope you know that." He lifted his eyes to hers, nodding slightly. "I'll come by and see you later, so we can go over the case."

"Yeah, that sounds fine."

XXXXX

Woody was more than a little confused when his cell phone started ringing. He reached over Jordan's sleeping form and grabbed it.

"This is Ho… Scott," Woody muttered groggily.

"Hey Mate, have you found her yet?"

"Yeah she's with me. What's going on there?"

"Seely wormed his way onto the case. I let him in about Pollack's flash drive. He's agreed to try and find the connection between Pollack and the Irish Mob. As well as do more research on our corrupt Judge."

"That's great news, Nige," Woody said breathing a sigh of relief. Despite everything Seely was Woody's friend, and he'd felt extremely guilty when he'd lied to him about where he was going.

"However," Woody closed his eyes and waited for the other shoe to drop. "Lu's opened Malden's case and Jordan's mother's."

"SHE DID WHAT?" Woody yelped, waking Jordan beside him.

"What?" She asked in alarm.

"I've got to go," Nigel said. "I told them I was going for coffee. I'll keep you updated."

"Thanks, talk to you soon," Woody said as he flipped his phone closed and looked into Jordan's eyes.

"What is going on?"

"Lu's reopened the Malden case," Woody said, leaving out Emily.

"That doesn't surprise me," Jordan said as she leaned back on the bed.

"You want something to eat?" Woody asked, gently brushing a wayward curl from her cheek.

Jordan nodded, she hadn't been aware of just how hungry she was.

XXXXX

Seely entered the precinct and stormed into Lu's office. She was sitting at her desk, surrounded by several case files. She was in the middle of reading a neighbors statement from Emily's murder when Seely interrupted her.

"Can I help you Detective Seely?" she asked bitterly.

"Yes, LuLu, you can help me. I just got off the phone with a friend of mine over in the gang related task force. He told me what they've dug up so far on the Irish mob," Seely explained.

"Do you actually buy into every ridiculous story they feed you over there?" Lu asked with a frown.

"Jordan and Woody are my friends," he said simply, shaking his head at her. "We've been handed something that just might be the truth and you just want to look the other way because you want to burn her. You need help Lu, your obsession with Woody is starting to concern me."

"I don't have an obsession with Woody. I know Jordan better than you think and I know Woody even better. Jordan fits the profile for a serial killer," Lu said.

"Are you insane?" Seely scrunched up his eyes at her. "Really, cause I'm starting to question your sanity."

"Look Detective Seely, why don't you investigate your little mob theory and I'll investigate mine. Then we'll compare notes," she said, looking back down at the file in her hands and dismissing him.

XXXXX

He noticed the way she looked at the wedding set on her finger as they sat at the hotel restaurant, tracing her thumb against the coolness of the band. It was beautiful, Woody smiled at her.

"I never thought I'd ever get the chance to wear it," Woody said honestly holding up his left hand to look at his band. Jordan said nothing. "So what do you want to eat?" Woody asked, looking down at the menu.

"I don't know. I haven't eaten since this morning." she told him, watching his face. His eyes fluttered closed for a second, betraying just how exhausted he was. She slid her hand across the table into his as the waiter approached, his eyes flashed to hers in surprise.

"Can we get a bottle of Merlot?" He asked and the waiter nodded.

"I'll have Fettuccine Alfredo. What are you having, Honey?" Jordan said as she handed the menu to the waiter with her free hand.

"I'll have Parmesan chicken," Woody said softly, his eyes never leaving Jordan's. He decided he could get used to this marriage routine.

"Certainly sir, I'll be right back with your wine," the waiter said as he slipped away.

"Want to go out dancing later, Honey?" Jordan asked, causing Woody to grin at the tone in her voice.

"Anything you want Sweetie," he said, parroting her mocking tone.

She grinned bringing her water glass to her lips and taking a long sip.

XXXXX

Clarence Gordon arrived home in a bit of a state.

He slammed the door shut as he entered the house and marched into the backyard, where his wife was sitting by the pool, drinking an enormous glass of wine.

"Have you seen my blackberry?" he shouted with frustration.

She turned to look at him, and the bloodshot eyes, alerted him that she was drunk.

"No," she answered, before turning her brunette head back around and taking a long sip of her wine.

"Why the hell did you send an interior decorator to my office today?" he yelled.

"What are you talking about?" she said, looking back at him again.

"For the living room. A woman came to see me, saying you needed help picking colours."

"I didn't send anyone to your office," his wife said coldly.

"Yes you did. She said her name was Nina."

"I don't know anyone named Nina and my interior designer is a gay man named Rafael!" She shouted.

His face contorted into fierce rage and he stomped back into the house and slammed the door. "Not that you'd care!"

She turned her head back to the pool and took another drink from her glass. Then she reached to the package of cigarettes on the table beside her and lit one up.

XXXXX

Lu Simmons made a list of people she wanted to talk to the next morning. Before shutting off her computer and starting for the door. That's when she saw it. Pulling the shiny object into her hand and studying it more thoroughly as if it was a strange artifact she could not believe she had discovered.

A smile slipped across her features as she pocketed the key she had long forgotten Woody gave her. If she was going to prove that he was hiding Jordan then she figured his apartment would be the best place to start her investigation.


	8. Finding the Truth

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan. **

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I have a lot going on right now. Midterms are just so fun. Thanks to WIWJ for her editing and her brilliant ideas. **

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 8 – Finding the Truth

They entered the club quickly.

"Don't forget about fibers," Jordan muttered to him. He shot her a look that said, _how long have we been processing evidence?_ "I'm just saying."

Tossing the cover at the bouncer, Woody headed towards the restroom, grabbing a handful of paper towels and ducking into the stall. He held the Blackberry away from his chest-_To avoid fibers,_ he thought with a smirk as he wiped it down. He lifted it to the light and studied it for smudges before wiping it again and unceremoniously tossing it into the toilet.

On his way back from the washroom, he glanced back at the bar, watching Jordan's eyes drift questioningly over the bottles set up against the mirrored back splash.

"What's on tap?" She asked half heartedly. The bartender started to answer until Woody raised his hand.

"Two shots of tequila, straight," Woody ordered with a grin.

"You sure you can handle that Scott?" Jordan asked devilishly.

"Better than you can Hayley," Woody said as he handed the bartender some money. "I grew up around moonshine."

She looked down shyly when he mentioned moonshine and it made him smile.

"Like to see you try and out drink me," she recovered looking back up into his face.

"You're setting yourself up for failure, City girl."

"All right, bring it on, Farm boy."

XXXXX

Lu Simmons stood at the threshold of Woody's apartment. She had been here many times before but she'd never felt so guilty about going inside. This was his home and she was about to treat it like a crime scene. She moved slowly through the door and over to his lap top, left hastily on the kitchen counter. Maybe he'd meant to take it, she considered gloving her hands and lifting the lid.She made her way into the bedroom while it booted up. It was different without him, colder, smaller even. She opened the bedside drawer. Moving her hand through some papers, a condom box, a few scattered pictures until her fingers fell on a small velvet ring box. Her stomach did a flip and she felt her heart break. She opened it up and stared at the diamond ring. It was beautiful. Stunningly beautiful.

She slid the ring box into her pocket and went back to the kitchen. She turned the laptop to face her and stared back at a picture of Jordan that Woody used as his desktop. She tried to ignore the picture and moved the mouse to the 'my documents' file and opened it. She started wading through his files, mostly police reports but then she found it. File after file about Clarence Gordon and copies of the autopsy files and police reports, Pollack had been trying to get a hold of.

Then she saw a file, labeled 'For Jordan.' Suspiciously, she opened it and came across several files relating to Jordan's mother's murder. It was obvious that he had been trying to solve the murder. "How adorable," Lu muttered, rolling her eyes and focusing back on the page.

Her eyebrow twitched as she read it. This couldn't possibly be…

"What the Fuck, do you think you are doing?"

Her heart stopped as her eyes lifted to Matt Seely standing in the doorway.

"Investigating my lead," she told him weakly, her eyes pulling back to the file in front of her.

"I'm turning you in. I've had it," Seely threatened.

"Look at this," she said pointing to Woody's laptop.

"I'm sorry. I don't snoop through my friend's personal files."

"You don't understand. This could help. Jordan's mother's murder is the key."

"Stop investigating that cold case and help find the fucking truth."

She glared at him. Her eyes never leaving his. "This is the fucking truth."

"Where I come from it is called breaking and entering."

"I had a key."

"When you break up with someone, you don't have the right to enter their home without  
their permission."

"Turning me in won't do you any good." She shook her head frantically. "Look at this."

"No. And turning you in will get you out of my hair."

"If we solve this case, we'll solve Pollack's murder." She pushed the lap top towards him again. "Seriously Matt you have to lo-…"

"There is one way I won't turn you in," Seely offered.

"What is that?" she asked.

"You stop chasing Jordan and start looking at all of the possibilities. Work with Nigel and I and then maybe I won't tell anyone you broke into Woody's home."

"Deal." She rolled her eyes at him lifting her hands up to the computer screen again. "Now will you look at the damn…?"

Tossing his head back in defeat, Matt Seely finally acquiesced, circled the counter and started reading over her shoulder.

XXXXX

He hadn't heard her drunk laugh in over a year. She tossed her head back and giggled again before pushing the empty shot glass towards the row of them.

"No way!" She shook her head.

"Please?" He tilted his chin to the left and gave her the innocent eyes.

"No… no... no..." She grimaced as he nodded his head, pulling her from the bar stool to the dance floor.

"Yes, Oh Yes."

"I think I've heard that somewhere before..." She teased.

He snorted back pulling her against him

"You are drunk."

"Says the drunk guy…" she snickered, stumbling a little further into his arms and grinding her hips against him.

"Jo…" he whispered deeply smoothing his hand down her back, pressing her closer before resting his fingers on the side of Jordan's hips as they moved to the steady beat. "I..."

She whipped her head around and found his mouth with hers, pressing herself deeper and deeper against him. He pulled her around to face him as the music changed. She grinned saucily at the firmness of him pressing against her pelvis.

He watched her eyes melt when the song changed, a flash of frightened vulnerability that made him wrap his arms tightly around her and weave his fingers into her hair.

'Free Bird.' They're song. Again.

He could feel her back tremble with each breath. The fear from the days on her own finally easing their way out of her. Woody pressed a kiss into her hair before dropping his cheek to her ear.

"You're safe. I've got you. You're safe." He told her in a soft whisper. "I'm here."

Jordan buried her face into Woody's neck, inhaling the scent of him. Clinging to his words. To anyone watching, they were a married couple. Their movements so fluid and practiced. Their love so strong and defined.

This was their song, its lyrics so hauntingly perfect. He felt her shake against him, pulling her in tighter.

"You're safe," he whispered again.

XXXXX

Clarence Gordon was sitting at his desk in his den. He stared at the glass of scotch he had poured for himself and waited for the call. He lifted the frosted glass to his lips and poured the liquid fire down his throat.

As the last drop rolled out of the bottom of the glass, his phone started ringing.

"Gordon," he said tersely.

"It's done. Pollack's been dealt with."

"No witnesses?"

"His girlfriend is taking the fall."

"Beautiful," Gordon said softly. "The money will be in the account by tomorrow morning."

"Pleasure doing business with you. Remember to call us anytime you have a problem."

"Yeah, will do," Gordan said calmly, pouring more scotch into his empty glass.

XXXXX

Woody and Jordan stumbled out of the bar and into the taxi after last call, throwing the man some money as they pulled up at the hotel and clumsily walked towards the building. He held onto her as they made it to the elevator, half to hold her up and half to reassure himself he'd never have to let go.

His mouth found hers once again as she let him deepen the kiss as her other hand fumbled with the key card until they tumbled into the hotel room.

"Jo…" he whispered, pushing back against her shoulders.

""um hmm..." she muttered gripping the back of his neck.

"Jordan." His voice was still gentle, but firmer this time as he grabbed her wrist, pressing his forehead against hers. "Come on Jordan, we can't do this again."

She pulled away, looking any where but him as she fought tears.

"We can't just have sex and ignore the elephant in the room. If it can ever work between us, we need to talk." He watched the pain flash through her eyes as she moved further away from him.

"I'm tired of talking," she muttered, pulling open the mini bar. "If you don't want me that's fine. Just say it. Stop dancing around me."

"I do!" He said in exasperation, making his way towards her. "I do… want you Jordan. Trust me I do. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow and still not know where we are."

"Where we are?" Her chest heaved as she turned to look at him. He could smell the alcohol on her breath as she walked closer to him. "We're in DC." She told him angrily. "Running from the cops, because they think I killed my rebound boyfriend. Who I only had because you… You!" Her arm came up and thumped him in the chest. "You want to talk about the elephant in the room and not knowing where you stand with someone Woodrow Hoyt!" She was screaming now, as she smacked her other hand against his chest. "You… You…"

"I know… I know..." He soothed grabbing her wrists gently and holding them tightly against his body. He kissed her quickly, over her eye, on her cheek.

"That's where we are. This is where we are," she whimpered, pressing her mouth to his. "I need you. I need you. You said I was safe. Make me feel safe," she told him, pressing her mouth to his frantically. "Make it go away. Make it…"

He grabbed her into his arms, unable to protest anymore. He was willing to do what ever it took.

She pressed her mouth to his. She couldn't explain what came over her but she needed to be close to him, to feel safe again. To get the images of JD's dead, blood covered body out of her mind. Only he could take those images away. She needed him, she needed him inside of her, to become a part of her.

They collapsed onto the bed together, he frantically removed her clothing and his, while she clung to him.

It wasn't the same as the Lucy Carver Inn. This time they moved quickly. They were driven by desire and a need to be together. They didn't have the energy for foreplay. They just needed one another.

XXXXX

"This doesn't mean anything. You can't go jumping to conclusions on a twenty year old murder case," Seely reminded her as she unbuckled her seat belt. "It's a lead. A good lead. Let's not get carried away." He nodded his head at the steering wheel. She knew he was trying to convince himself.

She nodded at him dutifully.

Fortunately for Lu, Seely hadn't noticed her load Woody's files onto her flash drive. She clutched it in between her fingers as she made her way up to her apartment.

She uploaded them onto her computer and started wading through them. He had obviously read through the same files she had. She had a lot of the same information.

One thing she didn't have was his personal experience. He had point form notes from everything Jordan had ever told him. Lu hadn't realized Jordan had found her mother's body. It wasn't in the police report. Lu tried to imagine what it was like for a ten year old girl to find her mother's corpse lying in her front hallway. Woody was right, she didn't know Jordan, at all.

She continued reading. Woody had made lists of things of things Jordan had told him about her father. How he'd lied to her and kept things from her. Lu printed these notes out so she could use them as a reference. Then she shut off her computer and went to bed.

XXXXX

Seely found Nigel in trace the next morning. "Here," Seely said, handing him a coffee and a large chart.

"What's this?"

"It's a flow chart. It's been created by the Gang Related Task Force about the Irish Mob in Boston. The head guy is Blackie Conroy…"

"I've heard of him," Nigel stated. "I think Jordan's father knew him."

"Oh Jordan's father certainly did know him," Lu said as she entered the room.

"I thought we said no conclusions?" Matt asked, rolling his eyes at her.

"You said no conclusions." She shot Seely a bemused smirk. "You want me to investigate the Irish mob, well I did. Blackie Conroy went to school with Max Cavanaugh. They were close. For many years…"

"So what happened?" Seely asked, with genuine interest.

"I don't know yet. I just started this investigation. I'll keep digging. I have an appointment with Pete O'Malley."

"The guy that killed Cahill?" Seely asked.

"That's the one," Lu said. "I'm hoping he'll be willing to talk."

"Well, good luck with that," Seely said, turning back to Nigel. "Anyway, here are your men that were acquitted in Gordon's trials. I don't know where they fit on the chart though," Seely explained.

Nigel made sure Lu was gone before he spoke. "I do. Woody found out some information about them. Two of them are drug mules for the mob and apparently the other two are a little bit higher up."

Seely nodded. "You've talked to him?"

"Yeah, but don't worry they're safe."

"Where are they?"

"Not here," Nigel said cautiously. "No one else knows."

Seely nodded again. "At least they're safe."

"Who's safe?" Bug asked as he entered the room.

"My cats," Seely lied.

"You have cats?"

"They're my sisters. I'm looking after them."

"Okay," Bug said, as he turned to the microscope in front of him.

"So you and Lily…" Seely said, with a smirk, but Nigel noted the hint of jealousy in his tone and the pain in his eyes.

XXXXX

Lu tapped her acrylic finger nails against the booth while she waited for Pete O'Malley to come out and talk to her.

She watched him walk across the room and sit down on the other side of the glass. "What can I do for you Detective?" he asked coldly.

"I want to talk about Emily Cavanaugh!"

"What about her?"

"You and Max were close right?"

"Of course we were. We were partners."

"So you would have known Emily quite well?"

"I knew her as my friend's wife, nothing more."

"Well what did you think when she was murdered?"

"I thought it was horrible…"

"Didn't you have suspicions of who killed her?"

"We all had our suspicions. It doesn't make them true."

"Well what were your suspicions?"

"Why are you investigating Emily Cavanaugh's murder?"

"It deserves to be solved, don't you think?"

"I suppose."

"Good, now, why don't you share your suspicions."

"I doubt they're true and I don't want to be stirring shit up…"

"Just because you say it, doesn't mean that I'm going to go out and arrest them immediately."

"Look, just let it go."

"What are you talking about?"

"Opening that case up, is dangerous."

"Who do you suspect?"

"I can't say."

"Is it Max?"

"No. I do not think Max killed his wife. He loved her and he wouldn't have done that to Jordan."

"What about her mental illness?"

"What about it? She was sick, he got her help."

"So tell me, how did you end up here in jail?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "That's irrelevant."

"Is it?"

"I don't believe Max killed his wife," Pete said, slamming the phone back onto the wall.

Lu observed him and waited for him to lift the phone back up. "All right, so you don't suspect Max. Why don't you tell me who you do suspect?"

"Max was friends with Blackie Conroy," Pete started and then stopped talking. He looked away from Lu and she could tell he was trying to figure out how to say what he was trying to say.

"Blackie Conroy, head of the Irish Mob here in Boston?"

"Yes. That Blackie Conroy. Anyway, Max set it up so we could play poker with him every Thursday night."

"Uhuh," Lu said, listening intently to what Pete had to say.

"Usually we made out pretty good. We wouldn't play long but one night Max lost a lot of money. More money than he had. He couldn't pay and we didn't have the money to lend him."

"So what happened?"

"The next week Emily was murdered. That is all I know."

"So you think it was a hit by the Irish mob?"

"That is all I know. Remember, it's just a suspicion."

"Thank you Pete. You've been very helpful," Lu said, placing her phone back on the wall. Then she stood up and started walking towards the exit.

XXXXX

Jordan opened her eyes and shut them immediately to keep from throwing up. Pain shot through her head each time light entered her eyes. She hadn't even noticed her lack of clothes or the fact that naked Woody was lying next to her with his arm around her.

She couldn't remember the events from the previous evening since they entered the bar. She remembered consuming several shots of tequila and betting Woody she could out drink him.

"Jor…Jordan," Woody said weakly beside her.

She turned her head and squinted in his direction. "What?"

"Why do I feel like something died in my mouth and then fermented in my brain?"

"I don't know," she said forcing her eyes open further. "But apparently we slept together," she said as she finally noticed her lack of clothes.

"Really," he said, forcing his eyes open regardless of the light.

"I can't believe we let this happen," Jordan said, jumping out of the bed and wrapping herself in a complimentary bathrobe. "Again…"

"What did we do last night?"

"We drank and then we came back here and had sex."

"I don't remember," Woody said honestly. "Can we discuss this after I down a bottle of aspirin?"

"Yeah fine," Jordan said, storming into the bathroom and locking the door.


	9. Confrontation

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: I am so sorry it took this long. I know an apology doesn't roll back time and make up for how long this chapter took. This story is not easy to write. I can write angst but this one is harder than just normal couple angst. Also I have to make things work and it's not as easy as Unforeseen which kind of just flows together. Its no excuse I know. I got through first year university and am now working very hard at a new job to pay rent but I swear I will find time to sit down at my computer and work on this story. Thank you to all my loyal readers who I hope will continue to read this. Also a big thank you to WIWJ for her help, with editing. If you don't know it already you are my hero. Anyway, enjoy…**

This Feeling I Can't Change

Chapter 9 – Confrontation

Jordan stared at her reflection in the oversized bathroom mirror. She pulled her messy curls from her face and stared into her own eyes, looking for an answer she would not find. The pain in her head intensified as she tried to concentrate. She looked at the dark circles that hugged the underbelly of her eyes. Her normally honey eyes, were red from exhaustion and the tears would not let fall. She scrubbed at them with her trembling hands.

She and Woody were back to their dance, trapped on the dance floor for yet another round of pain. Why couldn't they move on and let go? Why did they have to continue to hurt one another? They were drawn to each other like moths to a flame. She thought about the last time she and Woody had slept together. She remembered the pain she'd inflicted on Pollack. The thought made her nauseous as she was once again consumed with guilt. Especially when she'd found out his plans to propose.

She had thought that she and Woody were finally going to be together when she had caught him with Lu. That thought made the nausea turn to pain. She felt violently ill as she remembered watching Lu and Woody making out in his office. She slid to the floor and sobbed. She had called JD back to get over Woody and now JD was dead and she had repeated her adulterous act. In her mind, she had become her mother.

The pain in her stomach worsened and she leaned over the toilet, emptying her stomach contents into it.

"Jordan, can we talk?" Woody called from the other side of the bathroom door. "Can we please talk about this?"

"Leave me alone," she cried out.

"Please," he begged desperately.

"What is there to talk about? I don't want to do this. Just go back to Boston."

"I'm not leaving you here."

"Why? You have a life in Boston. Go back to Lu and have that life."

"I don't want a life with Lu. I want…"

"It's time I left."

"What are you talking about?"

"I have to stop this. We have to stop this. It will be better this way. I won't be around to hurt everyone."

"Open the door," Woody yelled. "Don't be ridiculous Jordan. You're not running away. We're going to clear your name and you can come back to Boston. You can get your job back and everything will go back to normal."

"What the fuck is normal? It will never go back to normal. JD is still going to be dead. We're going to continue to hurt one other. I almost destroyed Lily's wedding. I don't want to go back and ruin everyone's lives and careers."

"What are you talking about? You're not at fault for JD's death. Lily ruined her own wedding when she called it off. As for you and I, we need to talk about it. You're not ruining anyone."

"What is there to talk about regarding us? And what do you mean Lily called off her wedding?"

"What do you think there is to talk about? And Lily left Brandau at the alter…"

"Look Woody, maybe you can screw me and then act like nothing happened but it's not that easy for me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to act like nothing happened. I want to talk about it."

"I care about you Woody. I cared about you back in Littleton and you came back and jumped into Lu's bed."

"After I waited three weeks for you to make a decision. If it takes three weeks to decide whether you want to be with me or not, then you obviously don't."

"I had made my decision when I woke up next to you in Littleton. I just couldn't toss him aside like trash when I got home."

"Don't give me that shit. You were still with him until he broke up with you."

"You don't understand. Why the fuck can't you understand? I became my mother Woody. I cheated on someone I cared about. Yes it took three weeks to end things with him but I wanted to be with you."

"You're not your mother Jordan. You are never going to be your mother…"

"Why didn't you come into my apartment?" she asked, her voice suddenly much softer, giving way to how vulnerable she was.

"Pollack had just dumped you. I wanted to give you space to make sure you really wanted me. To make sure you wouldn't hurt me like you used to."

"So you slept with Lu?"

"I don't know why I got together with Lu."

"I do, because you didn't want me. You thought you did. I guess the chase was more rewarding then the capture."

"Bull shit Jordan and you know it."

"Do I Woods? How would I? You just turned around and started fucking Lu behind my back. You even tried to hide it from me. What the fuck does that tell you?"

"Jordan I'm sorry. If I could take back my relationship with Lu, I would. Please open the door."

"Just leave me alone," Jordan said as she stood up and turned on the shower. She needed to escape from Woody and this dance they still couldn't end.

XXXXX

Seely watched Nigel pace around the room. "Nigel," Seely finally called. "Freeze."

"Sorry," Nigel said as he stopped pacing. "I don't know where to go from here. I mean how can we connect Clarence Gordon with Blackie Conroy?"

"I have interesting news," Lu said as she entered the room.

"And what might that be?" Seely asked with annoyance.

"I just spoke with Pete O'Malley. Seems Max Cavanaugh pissed off Blackie Conroy just a week before Emily's murder."

"What?" Nigel exclaimed, as his eyes bulged from his head.

"Max lost at a poker game. He couldn't pay and next week Emily ended up dead."

"O'Malley's probably just mad that Max put him in jail," Nigel said, as he shook his head.

"Can we focus on connecting Blackie to Gordon?" Seely requested, impatiently.

"Who?" Lu asked.

"The judge."

"Again with this ridiculous theory about a judge"

"Let's pull all the cases Gordon ever resided over here in Boston," Nigel suggested.

XXXXX

As Jordan emerged from the bathroom, she found that Woody was no where to be found. She breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of the bed. She considered leaving again. She decided she had to. It was the only way she'd ever solve Pollack's murder. The phone started ringing on the night table and she felt her heart stop beating. She didn't know whether to answer it or not. It could be Nigel with more news or Lu waiting to arrest her. Cautiously she lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello."

"Hello Mrs. Anderson," she recognized the voice immediately and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hi Danny, what's going on?"

"Is your husband around?" Danny asked jovially.

"No he ran out for a couple of minutes."

"Can you have him call me at this number?" Danny asked and then dictated the number for Jordan to write down.

"Anything I can help you with?"

"Not this time. I need to speak with Scott." The familiarity of his voice made her stomach do a flip and she realized how much she missed her friends.

"I'll have him call you."

"Stay safe Hayley," Danny said softly before hanging up the phone.

Just as Jordan placed the phone back on the receiver the door opened and Woody entered the room with coffees in his hand, as well as a bag from McDonalds under his arm.

"Danny McCoy just called for you," Jordan said softly. Woody looked slightly confused.

"Did he say what he wanted?"

"No he specifically asked for Scott."

"Nigel must have called him," Woody said as he crossed the room and started dialing the number on the piece of paper.

XXXXX

Garret entered the room where Seely, Lu and Nigel were discussing the case. "Any progress?" he asked tersely.

"Not exactly," Nigel said pointing to the chart on the wall.

"Keep me posted," Garret said, hanging his head and turning to leave.

"Yes sir Dr. Macy," Nigel said, turning back to Seely and Lu.

"Did Jordan ever mention the Irish Mob to you?" Seely asked Nigel.

Nigel recalled Jordan mentioning Blackie Conroy in passing but couldn't think of anything specific. "Not that I can recall," Nigel admitted.

"What did you find out about Pollack's car accident?" Seely asked, as he lifted Lu's notes.

"Nothing," she said, grabbing her notes back from him.

"Well what happened in the accident?"

"His car was hit by another car. It was in the paper," she muttered.

"I'm going to look into it further," Seely said. "You keep digging up information about Blackie Conroy. Nigel, you keep digging up information about Clarence Gordon."

"Sounds good," Nigel said as he sat back at his computer.

XXXXX

"McCoy."

"Hey Danny, you called…"

"Scott, how are you doing man?"

"I'm fine. What's going on?"

"I spoke with Nigel.

"And?"

"I have a proposition…"

XXXXX

Matt Seely stabbed at the elevator button for the fifth time. He hated waiting, especially while his friend's lives were in danger.

"Matt," somebody called a few feet away.

"What now?" The annoyed tone in his voice faded as he swung his head around and looked at her standing there, her eyes lowered. "Hi Lily."

"I guess I don't need to ask how the case is coming?" she asked gently as he watched her wring her hands together.

"I feel like we're stuck at a stand still. I just want to solve the case."

"You can do it, if anyone can…" she said, moving closer to him. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah," Seely chucked a finger towards the opening elevator door. She glanced backwards towards the morgue before moving to the furthest corner of the elevator. Her awkwardness was not lost on him as he followed her inside. She had her gaze fixated on her hands.

"Listen." He coughed a little at the tightness in his throat and faced the elevator doors. "I know you must be worried sick about Jordan…""I'm sorry," she said softly.

He turned to look at her. "For what?"

"For pushing you away when my mother died. I was in a bad place…"

"You don't have to explain Lily," he told her quickly. _Please_, Matt pleaded in his head. _Don't explain_. She reached out and stopped the elevator. "Lily what are you doing?"

"I want to explain to you what happened…"

"Lily, you really don't have to."

"Yes I do. We never talked about that night," She bit her lip and looked at him. "You never talked about…"

"Your mother just died," he said incredulously, shaking his head frantically. "It wasn't time to talk about it."

"That was a year ago." She looked down at her feet.

"Why are we talking about this?" She looked up in surprise, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and biting it when she saw the look on his face. "You're with Bug now…""I wanted you to know I really did care about you."

Seely watched her face for a minute, trying to figure out some sarcastic comeback. Her lips parted softly into a killer smile.

"I'll always care about you Sweetie Pie."She looked down slowly, moving her hands nervously through her hair.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this," he said, reaching for the button but Lily moved in front of him.

"Matt?"

"You and Bug, you're meant to be. He's a nice guy. The kind of guy you deserve."

"He loves me," Lily breathed.

"He worships you," Matt said simply. Taking her by the shoulders. "You deserve…"

"Why do you keep saying…"

"Because Macy was right." Matt reached over and pressed the button, putting the elevator into motion again.

"Garrett? What does he…"

"Forget it." Matt shook his head as he let her go and moved to the back.

"Have you ever felt like you made one mistake to avoid making another?" she asked sadly.

"Lily I…"

Lily leaned forward and kissed him.

Matt Seely's body went on automatic, returning the kiss and pressing her against the wall of the elevator with the same passion they'd had almost a year ago. He heard the doors of the elevator slide open, pushing her gently away from him. "Lily!"

"Oh my God," she whispered quietly her eyes drifting shut. Matt tilted his gaze away from the man on the other side of the door and looked up at the ceiling.

Bug for his part, just stood there staring from the outside in.

XXXXX

Woody placed the phone back on the receiver and looked at Jordan, who was sitting awkwardly on the bed. "What did Danny want?"

"To help…"

"What do you mean?"

"He's the one that got us our ID's. Ed Deline is paying for our room."

"Why?"

"Danny wants to make sure you're safe." She looked at him, with her head cocked to the side. "I brought you something to eat," he said, breaking the tension.

"A burger?"

"No one of their new deli sandwiches…"

"Excellent," Jordan said moving toward the paper bag that was bleeding grease onto the table beneath it.

"What are your plans for today?"

"I'm going to visit Pollack's old office…"

"You're not going to get anywhere…"

"Jordan's here's the difference between you and I; charm. I'm not going to go in there and demand any information about Pollack…"

"Well then what is your plan?"

"I'm not quite sure yet, but I know I'll get myself in there…"

"Okay, well what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Use the spa. Relax?"

"How can I relax? I just woke up to find my ex dead. I was covered in his blood and now my life is in danger and maybe even yours." He watched her shoulders fall and she backed away.

He moved towards her and grabbed her shoulders gently. "Jordan, there is only so much you can do. There is no reason to put yourself in more danger. You are safe here. I need to know you're safe."

She pulled away and sat down on the bed. "What if we can't prove I didn't do it? What if we don't find the evidence? Should I just sit back and wait to go to jail?"

"Don't think that way. Everything is going to work out and if it doesn't, we'll go to Vegas, permanently."

She looked at him, her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"Danny also said that if we can't find a way to get you out of this then we can go there. They'll give me a job and take care of you…"

She looked towards him and he watched her golden eyes sparkle as they filled with tears. "I don't want you to give up your life in Boston, for me."

"I would do anything for you. That's why I'm here. You mean more to me then my badge."

"Are you sure you're not just here because you feel guilty?"

"No I'm here because I …"

The phone interrupted them once again. Woody turned to answer it, leaving his near admission hanging in the air.

"This is Scott…"

"Hey, it's me…"

"Nigel, how is the case coming?"

"Well Lu found out some information. She seems to be coming around…"

"It's probably a trap. She wants you to trust her so you'll slip up and let her know where we are."

"Nice to know she would think so much of my intelligence."

"Don't trust her…"

"I wouldn't dream of it Mate. Now, she went to see Pete O'Malley in jail."

"Why?"

"In regards to Emily."

Woody grimaced and swallowed the bile that started to rise in his throat. "What did she find?"

"Pete said that Max pissed off Blackie Conroy a week before Emily's death."

"What does that have to do with Hayley's current situation?"

"Blackie Conroy is head of the Irish Mob here in Boston."

"So what?"

"Well, it might be the truth…"

"And it might not. It's been rough enough Nigel. You know that."

"I know Scott. I just thought you'd want to know."

"We can worry about that after she is exonerated."

"You're right. I'll keep you posted, but I got to go."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later.""

"Stay safe and keep her safe."

"You know I will."

Woody hung up the phone and looked towards Jordan. She looked so fragile. "Everything okay?"

"They haven't discovered much yet. They will, we just have to give them time and space."

"You promise you're being honest with me?" she asked vulnerably. She looked like a lost, wounded child. Woody wished he could make the pain stop but he knew this was only the beginning. Even when it was all over Jordan would still be reeling from finding Pollack in bed next to her, dead. 

"Aren't I always?" he asked, with a smile.

"Do you want me to answer that?"

"I don't know. I'm going to head to Pollack's old office. DO NOT LEAVE THIS HOPTEL BY YOURSELF," Woody ordered.

"Yes Prison Master," she said with a broken smile.


End file.
